Back from Hiatus

It's been a while since I last updated. And by a while, I mean it literally, probably it's an understatement...

Okay, It certainly is an understatement. From a post a day, it declined to somewhat nil. I guessed I've lost the hang of it. And by coming out of my hiatus, it might give whatever readers I have left an idea that I might have gotten the hang of it again.

Maybe, just maybe. Before I talk about myself again, let me enlighten my gossip hunger readers about my experiences for the past few months.

At college, a new operator arrived and, eventually, I've gotten myself another kai yeh. Well, don't think negative okay? I am a polite chap with humility and these are the essential virtues needed if you're aiming to get a kai yeh or a kai ma.

P.s I do not go round looking for kai yeh or kai ma to rip off. 

One day, we had a friendly conversation and through that conversation; seriously no offense but I do believe that the younger generations are a bit impolite, low in humility and most definitely demanding.

Yes, not all, but quite a number are freaking, wait for it..... Yes.... freaking DEMANDING.

The food served by the operator is quite cheap considering the rental charged by the blood money-sucking college. And yet, students were being demanding.

Yes, go on arguing I deserve every penny spent on the purchased food. Yes, that's your right as a consumer. But things went overboard (from my point of view) when the operator told me he was scolded by a student for giving that low life the undesirable part of the bread in Gardenia loaves, the skin.

That student demanded for another set of toast bread and refused to eat the perfectly fine one, just because it is the one with skin. Well, I have just this to say to that student, that undesirable part you wasted, can feed a family in Africa. People are starving because of famine but you just wasted food just because you think it's not nice.

What about me?

Well, I used to be picky too. I grumbled and fussed when mom gave me the skin piece. Thank God she sent me to loads of camp, where I was mindset to eat anything served without complain or else starve and they literally let you starve, okay...okay... I do grumble a bit sometimes, heck I am not perfect.

Admit it, you all do the same too right, once a while~~ You know, when mom  cooked something you totally dislike, in my case, it's most definitely mushroom and chicken feet. Can't stand the mushroom smell and most definitely can't swallow the chicken feet.

Yet, once a while, I humor mom by literally swallowing the whole chicken leg, choking myself to near death and finally relieving myself with gallons of water.

Well, I guess that's all for this agenda and before I close it, here's a phrase which might close this agenda nicely.

Beggars can't be choosy

Unless your dad's super rich and pampers you like crazy, just eat and be thankful. 

You just don't know how lucky you are to have 3 square meals a day. 

 

 

Now, let's continue, I have loads more to rant about. 

Of Bus and Passengers

 

Pardon me for not using illustrations but I do believe pictures are worth a thousand words, how about a thousand words then? Wouldn't it bring more meaning? Well, perhaps we might be able to debate on that on another Blogger's Gathering as soon as I finish my exams and if I am still considered a blogger by Nuffnangers.

I comute to college by bus to and fro. I am a tolerant person but sometimes you just can't tolerate every single crap thrown at you, can you? I know I can't. If I could, I would be Him.

Bus drivers who dreamt of street racing but never had the chance. I assure you, if roller coasters just can't do it, try the bus. You will be jerking forward and backward and to the driver, it's none of his business because he is sitting comfortably on his chair.
 P.s Insurance agents can make a living here in the bus.

Bus that offers shower facility, literally. There are times when the rain is pouring and I got on the bus, thinking that the bus would be clear of the moisture. Oh what a shock I had when the bus was worse than the rain itself. Okay, I might be exaggerating, but still shouldn't bus operators get it fixed? Why are we paying them so much for such louzy treatment? In Singapore, 50 cents last the whole day. Well, we used to have
RM 2 for a day until they abolished it and they dare increase ticket prices with such louzy services? What a joke.

Bus feeling like a sardin can, perhaps an understatement. I often fall asleep standing in the bus. Yes, I sleep while standing and why is that so? Previous Milo advertisement portrays guys in sumo outfits trying to stuff themselves into a car. Well, that's what I felt on the bus. It was so packed that I could sleep while standing and the best part is, I don't have to hold onto anything, people were like a clump of jelly, swaying front and back but never falling down. I am sure if they could stack passengers like domino bricks, they would most definitely consider doing it.

Horrible bus schedules. It is annoying and disturbing when frequent bus users like me, realized that a few bus heading towards one destination left the terminal together. This causes long waits upto an hour for the next batch of bus. I mean, what's the point of having 4 busses going to the same place and all  the bus are kinda empty. This causes the can Sardin situation. I wonder what were the management thinking?

Now let me jump to passengers.
Top of my list is

Gold miners. The worst of them all, I daresay. Seriously, I find it repulsive to be next to one. Once,a miner mines tirelessly for that "gold" and flicks it off just like that. I was flabbergasted and to top it off, the miner didn't even clean his hands. I freaked out and walked to the far end of the bus and got off as soon as I could. Perhaps personal hygiene never struck him or the others?

Elbowing Grandmas. This grannies, not all, are greedy. I offered an inch, but they wanted a yard so I gave them a foot (kick). My lecturer taught me this idiom, cool right?

I offered an inch, You asked for a yard and now I give you a foot.

What am I trying to say? Well, I pitied them so I often gave them some space. But some just took advantage of my nice-ness and decided to burrow their way in, YES by elbowing me out. I got  kicked out of my spot by several grannies and finally it was time for the foot. I held my stand firmly and when they pushed, don't blame me for being mean okay; I raised my arms holding onto the handles and let them smell my armpits Take that grannies, I am fighting back. Lol.

Perverts, gay pervert. I was sitting in a bus one day and in front of me was this hot girl. She was sleeping and well, she caught my eyes. Well, I am guy, natural okay. But the guy next to her is a pervert. He stared at her bossoms; tilted his head nearer to her to get a better view and to make matters worse he is wearing pink, and is in his late forties with a beer gut. He even spread his legs wide open and started touching his crotch. Even when the girl noticed that pervert and glared back at him, he still carried on. If only I had a gun....

And that's the end of my louzy yet only way of transportation home til I can drive.

I guess that's all for now. Signing off

Au revoir; till we meet again.

Live life with no regrets

Sanity

Sanity.

Something we take for granted and only treasured when gone.

I can feel my sanity slipping away like this hourglass.

Losing composure and inner peace, as my sanity slips away.
Recently, the pain is back and more severe. My head felt like it's going to blow. My heart is in pain, like a Myocardial Infarction

Every morning, I wake up feeling like I didn't even sleep and it's causing me to lose my temper.
I don't know how long I can continue keeping my cool before blowing it all out.

I am totally disturbed now, can't concentrated at all. Ending it here.

Signing off, while I still can.

Nightingale

A nightingale is a beautiful creature, yet it can also be used to describe us, humans. However, it does not describe our outer appearance.

I mean do you want to look like this?

 

I know it's lovely but we certainly don't look like that, now do we?

We all want to look somewhat like

Looking like a human right?

 A nightingale person, like me can be considered different from the rest of the world. Nightingales becomes active at night as in we work during the night.

But not everyone can be one because it is indeed straining on ones mind and body. Although we stay up all night, we can't sleep during the day like it's night can we?

Of course not. There's college, work or etc.

Hence, I would like to introduce you to the word, Sleep Debt.

Sleep Debt might be a foreign term to you but to my friends and I it is quite common actually.

We would strive through the week like a zombie but repay our sleep debt during the weekends. Any spare time that is available, during journeys, intervals between classes or meal times would be used for a quick snooze.

Of course, we can't do it alone. We also require our best friend's help, Coffee. By now, concentrated Black Coffee is nothing and I can fall asleep after drinking it. At first, simple coffee would suffice but the dosage increases as we take it frequently.

 I mean life's too short to waste on sleep. I know it sounds wrong, and sometimes I wish I would break this life style and get some sleep. Especially when I showered at 6 am and walked back to my cozy bed room and feel like collapsing on my bed. 

However, it's not possible. Why?

Life is just too short for sleep.

Signing off~~

Sleep well non-nightingales and to nightingales, let the part begin =D

  

Weirdo

I am a guy.
Guys were stereotyped by Tikkoss to be ham sap.

Definition of ham sap.

To be sexually aroused by the sigh of the opposite sex which results in flirting and  cheesy pick up lines.

 Or we can simplify it.

Ham Sap = Tikkoss

P.s Not all guys are Ham Sap, I am not though. I am pure.

Definition of Pure.

To be free of impurities, of any foreign materials which is not considered normal in a system.

Or we can simplify it.

Pure ≠ Tikkoss

Pure = Me

P.s All guys were born pure though most were corrupted by Tikkoss.

Quoted from Tikkoss.

" I represent mankind...."

 Alright I've joked enough about Tikkoss.
No hard feelings right? It's free publicity.

Now, Vince and Xing.

This two seriously got on my nerves on Monday. Both had tickets for the Social Network and were having dinner in Mid Valley when they thought of hitting on my nerves.

Vince

Hey, Steve, come to Mid Valley and join us for dinner? Xing wants you here. She will drive you home. =D

Xing

Yeah, I will drive you home, where do you stay?

Vince

After we have our dinner? We go for movie; no ticket for you. You go play pool. =D

And for your information, they called me at 1930 and it would take me half an hour to get there. After that, dinner for half an hour. After dinner, they will go for movie.

They expected me to travel there for half an hour to accompany them for half an hour? =.=

Anyway, I laughed it off.

Back to the main topic.

I Cook.

Most guys and girls would probably stare with their jaws hanging. What?

Steven cooks? Wait he can cook?  @.@

I like to cook, can cook and loves to cook.
But I am worried, people might think I am weird for having such a strange passion.

My sister, a girl, ironically hates cooking.

I've been cooking since I was standard 4. It was a cook or starve situation. So, cooking was necessary for survival (melodramatic =D)

My passion for cooking grew when I saw dad cooked and I aimed to be a better cook than him. Over time, I did and my whole family wanted me to cook for them.

But I am a choosy cook, I like to cook things I have interest only.

Spaghetti, pancakes, and dishes for dinner.

I also love to bake.

I am weird, aren't I (as a guy who likes to cook?)

P.s About Tikkoss, those were the past, according to him. =D
Signing off.

You are my new dream ♥♥♥

My Past

I've been through lots of pain. Cried to myself in my room with the lights out. Cried myself to sleep.

I've been cheated, hurt by others, and many more.
Until today, all of them are bearable.

I have a dream but for my family's sake, I decided to give it up. I have an awesome believe but I can't express it to them; instead I hide it in my heart. I crushed my own passion for my parents interests.

I did almost everything they wanted in my 18 years of existence as a human being. Even during my birthdays, I rejected gifts. I hated my birthdays because of painful memories as I argued with my parents on my birthday.

My request was to go for a sleep over but denied in my face. I didn't ask for a Lamborghini or an i Phone or a DSLR. Nevertheless, it did taught me a valuable lesson, I have to obey their demands; why? It's for my own good.

Today, I went for breakfast with them, when we were eating, I felt like I was having breakfast with total strangers. I was feeling cold inside.

Do you know, every time my parents argued, my heart felt like it's crushed. When I was younger, I used to cry in my room every time they fought. I kept blaming myself even though I kinda knew it wasn't my fault until one day, mom fought with dad and when she saw me, she said it was my fault.

Instantly I was thrown into a whole new level of depression.
There are days when I had a rough day, and I return home to have them both arguing. I would walk myself to my room and reminisce about my past when it was better.

If you asked me to reminisce about a sweet memory between my family and I, I seriously can't remember anything.

When I was 4, I knew dad was home by hearing him only. I seldom get to see dad, or all I could see was his car leaving the house. When I went to school, I would hear about my friends' fun time with their parents.

All I had was my Indonesian maid who took care of me. She loved me like a son. Mom often said she was buying my heart and that she was faking her love to protect her job.

I was perplexed. She protected me, used her own money to treat me, and did everything she could for me. Things weren't that bad when she was around, I had someone I could talk to, interact with. Since mom's usually busy marking books or writing her reports.

My sister treated me like a nobody. She never liked me back then, and was sort of ashamed of my existence. When I was younger, I was proud of my sister. She was a prefect and the only one who was offered the position of head prefect, but she rejected it.

I dreamed that one day I would be just like her. However, I was flabbergasted as a child when she denied my existence in front of her friends.

I greeted her and proudly introduced her as my sister to my friends but she did one thing, which broke my heart. She promptly told her friends, I don't know this boy.

I remember getting scolded by mom frequently because of her. Mom asked both of us to do chores but she was lazy, and I cried for her help because the laundry was heavy but she will not help me (after our maid left).

After that, I vowed never to ask for her help ever again.

My family ties with other relatives got separated (paternal side) and it hurts to know about it. Sometimes, when visiting relatives, they would ask why didn't we join my uncle's family? Dad would said he didn't know about them coming down to visit and I would be sad.

I missed both my paternal aunts; now ignoring my family.

My maternal side, I really loved my younger uncles. The rest, it's not that I want to hate them. I do love them. However, they frequently looked down upon my family's financial status and often bragged as they offered to buy me stuff. I would politely smile and decline.

My maternal aunt, now got into a fight with my maternal grandparents and now, they are avoiding each other. During moon cake festival, they stayed at home although all the families returned for the gathering.

I missed those days when all the families gathered for Chinese New Year or Moon Cake Festival. However, now, it looked like a distant past; growing hazier and blur in my mind as I am starting to forget about those good old days.

My paternal grandparents. Never met my grandmom but I am sure I would love to see her if I could, even if it was for one day. My granddad was the most awesome person I've ever met.
The floats he made each time I visited him was awesome and I could never forget it.

But I was immature, I didn't treasure him. I didn't speak to him much. I only wanted his floats and money (he was a very generous and loved me with all his heart).

There are times, I wished God would take me away and let me meet up with my grandparents.
Perhaps after death, would I be able to find peace in my heart.


Nothing could change my past. But given the chance, I want to live those moments once more. To know what it feels to be alive and loved.

Au revoir.

Dilemma

Today, I wasn't feeling any better from usual. I was still depressed. In my mind, I was haunted by my past, troubled by my current problems and worrying about my future.

The only thing that I could seek comfort from was from my novel as it won't hurt me nor lie to me. However, it's not the same as a trustworthy person.

Alexandra  was there to comfort me, well sort of. She offered me help and I refused initially. I mean, I am so not worth her time and effort. However, she insisted and I finally relented.

I went to college like usual (I thought I could) but I felt numb seeing my friends. I thought I could disclose my problems to them but I am in doubt now.

I realized people who listened to my problems often get hurt or break up from gangs and I can't bear to see my gang break up. I faked a smile and pretended to be cheerful.

After lunch, I went to MBS and she should have seen the look on her face. Alexandra was like OMGosh.

We chat together and somehow I felt that she might have this impression on me.

She said she loved it when I smiled but to fake a smile in front of her was something that I couldn't do. I can't cheat her by simply smiling. When one smiles, it comes from within.

Like this.

A smile should come from within.

After she left the LRT, I was contemplating with myself. Which personality should I choose and stick with it.

I felt both sides of me contemplating to see which one of them would be dominant.

I felt the Emo side of me battling with the cheerful side of me.

My mind was in turmoil, my sanity was on the line. I couldn't decide.
In the end, it was chosen and I couldn't do anything else but to live with it.

I just couldn't bear to let my cheerful but annoying self going round anymore. He only brought trouble to everyone around him and I've decided to lock him deep within me.

And decided to free the Emo me.

Now, he is free to roam in my life.

At least, the Emo me won't annoy people but behaves himself. The Emo me studies and won't be distracted easily. He is the perfect candidate to face the examination because with Emo comes along Insomnia.

It would be perfect for me.

I know I told you that I would change for the better, well at least try. But I did warn you, that I might (most probably) fail.

I am sorry, Alex.

Life is just so painful. I tried hard to hold everything in me and not lose my temper or dissatisfaction. But no matter how hard I try; I still failed.

It felt like a stab to my heart.

It's just too much to bear.
Sometimes, if you look hard enough, you can see a tear streaming down my face. Normally I would notice but these days, I won't notice until I snap out of my daze.

Life is tormenting.  To those whom I trusted wrongly, Congratulations.

But it doesn't matter. Why? Because...

No one would bother about some nobody like me.

I am nobody with one purpose, to bring joy to others and only others at the cost of my own.

Au revoir~~

The Absence of Joy

The sorrow of a thousand men
I'd bear them all with ease.

But the thought of losing you.
Shatters my heart with ease.

I've been through so much but nothing can be compared to this pain that I am experiencing now.

Why do my tears shed for you?

Teddies don't hug back the way you do. But at least they do not hurt me like you did.

 But I never blamed you, because it's all my fault. I chose this path and there's no turning back.

I hope to end everything with my disappearance from our life. It's the second time but the first scar hasn't healed properly and then came the second.

I haven't been able to sleep for days. The pain is killing me. Every minute of my life is about you.

Insomnia has returned and I don't know how long will I be able to withstand it.

My heart ached from the thought of losing you.

But that will never happen, right?
I am nothing compared to you.

I don't see any point in living anymore without you in my life.
The pain is unbearable.

I often said that you helped me and now it's my turn to help you. However, now I realized I need you more than ever in my life.

I remembered every single thing you said as best as I could.
They are all carved onto my heart.

But let me stress again, it's not HER fault.

I chose this path.

I need you in my life.

I don't like you.

I love you.

I don't want you

I need you.

I won't cry for you.

I'd die for you.

Signing off