Mimpi Ngeri

Kian lama saya telah menghadapi ketidaktenangan ketika tidur selama beberapa malam yang berterusan. Saya sering dihantui oleh mimpi ngeri yang hampir sama. Walaupun tiap-tiap kali wataknya berbeza, namun demikian, plotnya sama.

Setiap mimpi ngeri pun sama. Kesudahannya ialah saya secara tidak sengaja membunuh rakan baik saya dan menyesali perbuatan saya. Apakah maksud mimpi ini?

Adakah pada suatu masa nanti saya akan membunuh seseorang pada masa depan?
Mari kita berfikir tentang pembuatan senjata.

Senjata diperkenalkan sejak daripada zaman Neolitik lagi iaitu zaman pra sejarah.
Senjata terawal diperbuat daripada batu dan kuasanya tidak begitu hebat berbanding dengan senjata terhebat iaitu senjata nuklear yang mampu melenyapkan sebuah negara.

Pencipta ataupun ahli saintis yang berjaya mencipta sesebuah senjata sering diberi ganjaran. Namun demikian, penciptaan senjata hanya mendatangkan kemusnahan. Menurut sejarah, banyak kuasa barat yang bertanding untuk menghasilkan senjata atom pada tahun 1940-an untuk menghadapi perang dunia kedua. Pada ketika itu, negara Amerika Syarikat berjaya menghasilkannya dan kuasanya sungguh menyeramkan apabila bandar Hiroshima dan Nagasaki lenyap. Kedua-dua bandar tersebut yang memakan masa yang begitu panjang untuk dibentuk, keunikan bandar-bandar tersebut dan nyawa-nyawa rakyat yang tidak berdosa hilang dalam sekelip mata.

Ahli saintis, Nobel, pengasas Anugerah Nobel telah membentuk sebuah NGO dengan harapan duitnya dapat digunakan untuk keamanan. Hal ini berpunca daripada bekas tanganya iaitu penciptaan dinamit yang telah meragut nyawa dalam peperangan. Usaha murni beliau untuk menamatkan peperangan sungguh bermakna dan usahanya masih diteruskan sehingga hari ini.

Kembali kepada topik utama, senjata. Adakah masyarakat seantero dunia tidak sedar akan pepatah nasi sudah menjadi bubur? Hal ini demikian kerana apabila pembunuhan telah dilakukan dengan senjata, betapa kuatnya kita menyesal sudah pun tiada berguna. Betapa hebat kita menangis pun sampai darah ditangisi juga sesseorang yang telah kita bunuh sememangnya akan kekal mati. Pada masa itu, kita sudah tentu akan berfikir, " Apakah yang akan berlaku jika saya tidak membunuhnya? Sebaliknya saya cuba berbaik-baik dengannya,"

Berkemungkinan kami boleh berkawan dan hidup secara harmoni. Namun demikian, dunia dipenuhi dengan pelbagai anasir-anasir yang mampu mempengaruhi mida seseorang untuk menyebabkannya membuat keputusan salah lalu membunuh seseorang.

Perlukah senjata dicipta?
Jika tiada senjata dicipta nescaya kita semua dapat hidup secara aman.

Hargailah nyawa insan.

Beribu bintang dilangit
Kini menghilang
Meraba aku dalam kelam
Rembulan mengambang
Kini makin suram
Pudar ilhamku tanpa arah

Sedetik wajahmu muncul
Dalam diam
Ada kerdipan ada sinar
Itukah bintang ataupun rembulan
Terima kasih kuucapkan

Izinkan kumencuri bayangan wajahmu
Izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
Maafkanlah oh...
Andai lagu ini
Mengganggu ruangan hidupmu
Kau senyumlah oh...
Sekadar memori
Kita di arena ini
Kau ilhamku
Kau ilhamku...

Kesedihan yang telah berpaut pada saya sungguh membebankan. Saya teringing sangat memberitahu dia bahawa saya masih mencintainya tetapi saya tidak berani berbuat demikian kerana janji saya padanya bahawa saya tidak akan menyukainya lagi. Saya tidak ingin memberitahu dia tentang perasaan saya terhadapnya kerana saya takut kami tidak boleh jadi kawan lagi. Oleh itu, saya telah membuat keputusan yang saya tahu saya tidak akan menyesal iaitu saya ingin merosakkan imej saya di hadapnnya agar dia tidak akan mengendahkan saya.

Kepiluan yang dirasai menusuk ke dalam hati saya dan tiada perkara yang boleh menewaskan kesedihan yang terpendam dalam diri saya. Walaupun saya tahu ini akan menyebabkan dia berasa sedih sedikit namun demikian saya terpaksa berbuat demikian untuk kebaikan kami berdua. Tambahan pula, dia ada banyak kawan yang mampu menjaganya dan saya bukan salah seorang daripadanya.

Kalau saya diberi pilihan untuk memilih apa jua benda saya akan memilihnya. Tetapi ini semua hanya impian sahaja.
Dia melayan saya dengan semakin dingin belakangan ini tetapi saya tidak menghargai segalanya kerana saya tidak ingin melupakannya.
Saya tidak mampu tahan dengan kesedihan ini

...... Kau Ilhamku Yang Terpenting

People Of Kuala Lumpur Have No Sympathy

It was anything but a fine Friday when my three good-for-nothing-involved-in-a-relationship friends decided to go dating at the same time. So, i was left alone and decided to go home.
On my way to the bus station, i do not know why but i walked into Mc Donalds for a meal.
I had the same thing, Double Cheese Burger set and mind you it was on promotion so it was cheaper, ok!

I waited for my turn and placed my order.
Well that's not the main point, the story begun when i was about to leave Mc Donald.
I saw this blind guy walking down the stairs and no one offfered to help him.
I was like,"Dam it, can't any of you offer to help him?"

Finally, he reached the ground floor without help.
* I wanted to help him but he was at the bottom of the stairs while i was the top of the stairs

He was walking fine untill he banged the Mc Donald toys display.
The lane was narrow and it was either him knocking into the toy displays or his stick hitting the rubbish bin.

Not that I want to boast but I end up walking up to him and help him through it.
He told me he wanted to go to Masjid Jamek.
Honestly I do not know where Masjid Jamek is, so i asked a few passersby when one managed to tell me.

We walked and walked. He related his unforntunate incident to me while i was leading him to Masjid Jamek. His money got stolen, he has no money to buy a ticket and he desperately needs to get to Masjid Jamek fast.

I was not in a rush, so i told him i will bring him there.
I just can't bear to see him suffering like that.
Can anyone of you tell me who enjoys being blind?

If you do, please donate your eyes to the blind people.
I guided him there.
Then, he wanted to buy ciggaretes from 7-11, so i brought him there.
I made it clear to him that i am a student and i will only look at the purchase to prevent him from being conned.
He said he understand and we went there.

The poor man didnt even have more then RM5 to buy the ciggaretes.
If i had the money i would have spared him a few Ringgit.

Then he told me that he reached his destination and will wait for someone to get him.
He assured me that he will be alright.
In my heart i was wondering why can't people be more sivic-concious?

As our country is becoming even modern, we are losing our humanity.
Is it that hard to help someone a fellow human who is less fortunate?

Ponder About it and see whether you agree a not.

Kembali dari zaman kegelapan

Setelah lama saya menulis laman sesawang saya, saya bercadang untuk menulis semula dalam laman sesawang saya. Banyak perkara telah berlaku dalam hidup saya semenjak kejadian itu.
Pada mulanya saya tidak bercadang untuk meminati ****** namundemikian, bak kata pepatah Melayu tak kenal maka tak cinta.

Setelah saya mengambil peluang untuk mengenali ****** saya merasai bahawa hidup saya tidak lagi dikelami kesedihan. Masa kami bersama, saya berpeluang merasai kegembiraan yang tidak terhingga.Walaupun masa kami berdua bersama pendek, namundemikian kegembiraan yang dirasai tidak pernah saya rasai ataupun perolehi.

Namundemikian, bak kata pepatah melayu terlanjur sampan boleh undur tetapi terlanjur kata tidak boleh simpan, segala-galanya musnah dalam sekelip mata akibat ketidaksenonohan sikap saya. Jikalau saya meluangkan lebih banyak perhatian dan masa kepada ****** sudah pasti kehidupan kami berdua tidak akan begitu merana.

Namun begitu, kehidupannya telah bertukar menjadi lebih baik dan saya berasa gembira untuknya. Pada mulanya saya berpendapat bahawa saya dapat melupakan segala memori yang menyedihkan tetapi itu merupakan suatu kesilapan yang besar. Saya bukan sahaja gagal melupakannya malah perasaan saya terhadapnya semakin berkobar-kobar. Saya sentiasa dirabai oleh kesedihan walaupun dalam apa keadaan jua.

Apatah lagi yang harus saya lalui lagi sebelum saya dapat merasai kebahagiaan?
Saya tidak inginkan segala kekayaan atau kuasa yang terdapat dalam dunia ini, saya hanya mempunyai satu hasrat sahaja iaitu dapat bersama dengannya. Namun demikian, keadaan tersebut kelihatan janggal dan saya berasa seolah-olah saya sedang menipu diri sendiri.

Segala-galanya tidak sama seperti dahulu. Jika ruangan masa dapat diundurkan saya akan membuat keputusan untuk meminatinya lebih awal agar saya tidak akan kehilangannya.

sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian tiada berguna kerana nasi telah menjadi bubur

Shot Persona

♥

mylifestories ♥

*Thanks to WeeChing & KeiYan(Starter)
*Special thanks to Fish for shooting me

So here's the rules that you should obey if you are tagged.

1. each blogger must post this rules

2. each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves

3. blogger that are tagged need write about their own blog their ten things and post these rules . you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names

4. don’t forget to leave them comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog .


Ten Random Facts About Me

1. I do not smile often because i do not see the bright side of any day

2. I love anime and manga

3. I love DOTA

4. I am not close with 2008 librarians,lower sixes

5. I am into Black

6. I have stitches on my forhead

7. I need privacy more than ever

8. I like styling my hair eventhough not all attempts were successful

9. I rather go through sleepless nights than a day without my handphone.

10. I am a nice guy who don't bully people or animal; eg. Fish.


10 person I tag:
~Vin tsen ~ Eric ~ Kai Chi ~
***



THE SELF

[01] Real name: Steven

[02] Nickname: Seitakurukuno

[03] Married: duh...

[04] Zodiac Sign:Libra

[05] Gender: Male

[06] Age: 16

[07] High school: MBSSKL

[08] College: Future planning

[09] Height: 1.78m

[10] Weight: 70 kg
[11] Do you like yourself: Nope
[12] Piercings: Can't according to the conditions set by the GOV. I want JPA scholarship.

[13] Right or left: Neither?

[14] Are you a freak: Maybe

[15] Hair: Black and white

[16] Skin: Tanned

[17] Allergic: Aerosol, morph ball and a type of kacang.

[18] What are you doing now: Being pissed off at Fish

[19] What will you do 1 hour later: Sleep or DOta it's 4.42am now

[20] What will you do 10 years later: Thinking why did i waste my time doing this ten years ago.

[21] Live with: Dad, mom and sis

[22] Siblings(included you): 2

[23] Eldest: Sis

[24] Youngest: Me =DD

[25] Love/hate your family: ♥♥♥

THE LOVE

[26] You found your another half: I think so

[27] If yes, who is he/she: I can't tell you

[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: I have wor?

[29] Time(s) you in relationship: an interger figure

[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): a figure

[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): a figure
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: Yes i was a jerk

[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: being a jerk

[34] Ever argue with your other half: YEs

[35] You with your other half since: Secret

[36] Are you straight/Lesbo:duh staright
[37] Reasons you love your other half: She's my other half?

[38] You and your other half in which stage: Duh?

[39] You woo he/she or he/she woo you: I w H

[40] Ever think of marry he/she: Yeah

THE FRIENDS

[41] Your first best friend: no comment
[42] Your first enemy: no comment
[43] The friend you love the most(1 only): no comment

[44] The enemy you hate the most(1 only): no comment

[45] Your most beautiful girl friend: Her

[46] Your most handsome boy friend: ?

[47] The kind of girl you hate the most: Lesbians
[48] The kind of boy you hate the most: Gay

[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: Yeah

[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: yeah

[51] If your friend backstabbing you: no comment

[52] If your friend betray you: no comment

[53] If your friend woo your lover: no comment

[54] If your friend fall in love with you: no comment

[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: no comment

THE STUDIES

[56] Are you a good student: no comment!

[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: no comment

[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: no comment

[59] Always late to school/college: no comment

[60] Your class: Noisy

[61] You love your seniors: nope
[62] Seniors who you love the most: None

[63] Your classmates good/bad: Evil

[64] Excellent result classmate: A lot lar xDD

[65] Laziest classmate: no comment

[66] Smart people: no comment

[67] Stupid people: None

[68] Good looking people: Too many to be listed..

[69] Ugly people: no comment

[70] Funny people: Kar wee

[71] Cute people: Jun yi

[72] Bad people: Yoon fatt

[73] Honest people:NOne

[74] Acting people: None :)

[75] You are what kind of people: Best


THE PREFER

[76] Lip or eyes: Both xDD

[77] Hugs or kisses: Both xDD

[78] Shorter or taller: Taller =DD

[79] Hesitant or spontaneous: Spontaneous =DD

[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: Both xDD

[81] Listener or Talker: Both xDD

[82] Romantic or rich: Both. =Xx

[83] Good husband or good father: Both. =Xx

THE FUTURE

[84] Age to get marry: LOL Lord will decide this :)

[85] Numbers of kid(s): Not up to my decision too = =

[86] Career: As great as possible =DD

[87] Salary: As much as possible =DD
[88] Retirement age: As soon as possible xDD

[89] Properties value: LOL?? Lame question = =

[90] Wishes: Wish more than I can xDD

THE VICTIMS

Troubled Persona

Fine the 2 stories you read?
probably by now you would have realised who the main character was.

well.
it's all over.
i m tired.
... fatigued.
...exhausted.

and every other word related to these words.

i m troubled by many things.
here's a list and you be the judge of it.

1. Her, which i try and try to forget.

2. Her, smsing back out of the blues

3. Librarian Camp 2009, the F*** ing facilitator that i m going to hire won't pick up his phone
i mean like, dude i m going to pay you lots and lots of money, will you pick up?

4. My Nilam? It's nothing, i think i owe the library RM 200+ for not doing it

5. My Loser Ville ticket, Descending Graph Results

6. Replacements,10 more to go, will be doing repalcements for 3 weeks straight.
For the record i am going to duty for 1 month straight.

7. Come on Yii Yang, i need a break from RNC committee work.
a saying goes an apple a day keeps the doctor away. well in my case it's like this
50 books a day keeps steven away from the library.

8. Reunion coming up and i do not know know whether i will be invited a not.

9. Anual dinner, maybe i do not want to go. but if don't go must pay RM 25
Might as well go? i promised myself as a revolutioner that i will not pay the library any cent
other then trust fund. Why? i m so underpaid for the work i ve done.so if the school library
burned down, do not hope i will donate anything because i don't think i feel comfortable with it
anyway.

10.Pn. Wong Ai Lian is killing me by asking me to do the advertisment work for the editorial
board. Why can't she ask someone else? wait, come to think of it, it's my job. crap (La)
* i bracket the word because it is not proper english and vin tsen will surely comment on it
The word 'La' is used to express my anger against it and no other meaning.

11.Revisions and Study; i'm going to die of boredom from studying eventhough it's nesscesary.

That should be the end of it.
Bye.

Examinations coming?

I do not know but form 4 seems like a honeymoon year to me?

Everyday it's laughter and joy as we continue going to school waiting for the time school is over

wow, is life a bed of roses? *quoted and taken from Mrs Ramani, Literature in English

i do not agree with the first sentence.
pressure building, as life gets tougher.

Back when we were just primary students all we care about was let the years go by quickly i want to grow up faster.

To think of it, i know it's natural for us to grow old, however there's a great deal of responsibility, limitation in things you can do.

A BIG question mark for of you to ponder upon,

In motivational courses,
the speaker will go on about being this or that in life and how to be successful but he will mention this 'do not bother about what others think about you but have confidence in what you do'

If that is so, why do we bother about what others think in life?
Quoted from my Mum,"your hair is very long, tremendously long"

If we follow motivational courses, we should no bother right whether your hair is long or not?
My ambition is to be a doctor or lawyer, however, quoted again from her,
"As a professional, your hair must be tidy and you must not dye your hair"



Same goes to my aunt, she often comments on my quite long hair, but why bother?

to me, if i followed their wished in how my appearence should be, then i m no better then a living barbie doll where they decide what i should do and how i should look like.

when my cousins came down from Singapore,
i was green with envy because their hair, were very long, they dyed their hair and they can wear earings to school?

now that's total freedom, let me rephrase that, individual's rights to their own appearence.
however, those will only be a fantasy back here, as it is protocol for students to have cru cut
* i appologise if cru is spelt wrongly.

Signing off due to insuffiecient of ideas