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Wednesday, February 29, 2012


I always took life for granted. I never saw the big picture even when I thought I saw it. Perhaps I am the one being naive here; ironically, as I used to called upon others being naive. The world does not revolve around you. It's normal that one day, something should come to an end. I did had an awesome time with my peers but when it comes down to reality, there's always a fine line there. Somehow, I thought I could wipe it off, or perhaps bend the rules to suit me. Perhaps in my drastic attempts, I might have been able to buy off some votes; but the veto power lies with someone else. I do not blame him, because it's true I am somewhat a bother in  a sense. My mind tells me the right thing to do is to dissapear; but my heart can't let go of everyone here. We are but meere mortals; where fate controls our life and sometimes we might not get what we want. Either way, I will dissapear no matter what; because the world does not need me; or rather they do not need my presence there. I am just slightly dissapointed that my strong believe regarding this matter was wrong all the time; and that they were too polite to voice it out against me. I feigned a smile, but deep down my heart twisted in agony. I can't inquire regarding this matter because I believe that I have been enough trouble for everyone. Perhaps I might actually survive this ordeal but I do not want them to have a conflict over me. I have about half of the people here who might root for me; and perhaps not. But I rather things remain peaceful. If it was me from the past, I would have fought on, and made inquiries all over till I got the answer I am looking for; at any cost; my reputation, my pride and my rationality. I think it's funny how the hands of time twists our lifes. I am no longer the Steven I used to be; neither am I an ideal Steven in my parents' eyes, friends' eyes and in my own eyes. But someone reassured me, there is no point in pleasing the world when all it does is incurring a wrath upon yourself at the epilogue. Mixed feelings is something rather difficult for me to handle and no one likes listening to me rant; right?
Perhaps if I am lucky, someone might actually read this and give me an insight. If not, let this me a ranting place for me.

Au Revoir