Sanity

Sanity.

Something we take for granted and only treasured when gone.

I can feel my sanity slipping away like this hourglass.

Losing composure and inner peace, as my sanity slips away.
Recently, the pain is back and more severe. My head felt like it's going to blow. My heart is in pain, like a Myocardial Infarction

Every morning, I wake up feeling like I didn't even sleep and it's causing me to lose my temper.
I don't know how long I can continue keeping my cool before blowing it all out.

I am totally disturbed now, can't concentrated at all. Ending it here.

Signing off, while I still can.

Nightingale

A nightingale is a beautiful creature, yet it can also be used to describe us, humans. However, it does not describe our outer appearance.

I mean do you want to look like this?

 

I know it's lovely but we certainly don't look like that, now do we?

We all want to look somewhat like

Looking like a human right?

 A nightingale person, like me can be considered different from the rest of the world. Nightingales becomes active at night as in we work during the night.

But not everyone can be one because it is indeed straining on ones mind and body. Although we stay up all night, we can't sleep during the day like it's night can we?

Of course not. There's college, work or etc.

Hence, I would like to introduce you to the word, Sleep Debt.

Sleep Debt might be a foreign term to you but to my friends and I it is quite common actually.

We would strive through the week like a zombie but repay our sleep debt during the weekends. Any spare time that is available, during journeys, intervals between classes or meal times would be used for a quick snooze.

Of course, we can't do it alone. We also require our best friend's help, Coffee. By now, concentrated Black Coffee is nothing and I can fall asleep after drinking it. At first, simple coffee would suffice but the dosage increases as we take it frequently.

 I mean life's too short to waste on sleep. I know it sounds wrong, and sometimes I wish I would break this life style and get some sleep. Especially when I showered at 6 am and walked back to my cozy bed room and feel like collapsing on my bed. 

However, it's not possible. Why?

Life is just too short for sleep.

Signing off~~

Sleep well non-nightingales and to nightingales, let the part begin =D

  

Weirdo

I am a guy.
Guys were stereotyped by Tikkoss to be ham sap.

Definition of ham sap.

To be sexually aroused by the sigh of the opposite sex which results in flirting and  cheesy pick up lines.

 Or we can simplify it.

Ham Sap = Tikkoss

P.s Not all guys are Ham Sap, I am not though. I am pure.

Definition of Pure.

To be free of impurities, of any foreign materials which is not considered normal in a system.

Or we can simplify it.

Pure ≠ Tikkoss

Pure = Me

P.s All guys were born pure though most were corrupted by Tikkoss.

Quoted from Tikkoss.

" I represent mankind...."

 Alright I've joked enough about Tikkoss.
No hard feelings right? It's free publicity.

Now, Vince and Xing.

This two seriously got on my nerves on Monday. Both had tickets for the Social Network and were having dinner in Mid Valley when they thought of hitting on my nerves.

Vince

Hey, Steve, come to Mid Valley and join us for dinner? Xing wants you here. She will drive you home. =D

Xing

Yeah, I will drive you home, where do you stay?

Vince

After we have our dinner? We go for movie; no ticket for you. You go play pool. =D

And for your information, they called me at 1930 and it would take me half an hour to get there. After that, dinner for half an hour. After dinner, they will go for movie.

They expected me to travel there for half an hour to accompany them for half an hour? =.=

Anyway, I laughed it off.

Back to the main topic.

I Cook.

Most guys and girls would probably stare with their jaws hanging. What?

Steven cooks? Wait he can cook?  @.@

I like to cook, can cook and loves to cook.
But I am worried, people might think I am weird for having such a strange passion.

My sister, a girl, ironically hates cooking.

I've been cooking since I was standard 4. It was a cook or starve situation. So, cooking was necessary for survival (melodramatic =D)

My passion for cooking grew when I saw dad cooked and I aimed to be a better cook than him. Over time, I did and my whole family wanted me to cook for them.

But I am a choosy cook, I like to cook things I have interest only.

Spaghetti, pancakes, and dishes for dinner.

I also love to bake.

I am weird, aren't I (as a guy who likes to cook?)

P.s About Tikkoss, those were the past, according to him. =D
Signing off.

You are my new dream ♥♥♥

My Past

I've been through lots of pain. Cried to myself in my room with the lights out. Cried myself to sleep.

I've been cheated, hurt by others, and many more.
Until today, all of them are bearable.

I have a dream but for my family's sake, I decided to give it up. I have an awesome believe but I can't express it to them; instead I hide it in my heart. I crushed my own passion for my parents interests.

I did almost everything they wanted in my 18 years of existence as a human being. Even during my birthdays, I rejected gifts. I hated my birthdays because of painful memories as I argued with my parents on my birthday.

My request was to go for a sleep over but denied in my face. I didn't ask for a Lamborghini or an i Phone or a DSLR. Nevertheless, it did taught me a valuable lesson, I have to obey their demands; why? It's for my own good.

Today, I went for breakfast with them, when we were eating, I felt like I was having breakfast with total strangers. I was feeling cold inside.

Do you know, every time my parents argued, my heart felt like it's crushed. When I was younger, I used to cry in my room every time they fought. I kept blaming myself even though I kinda knew it wasn't my fault until one day, mom fought with dad and when she saw me, she said it was my fault.

Instantly I was thrown into a whole new level of depression.
There are days when I had a rough day, and I return home to have them both arguing. I would walk myself to my room and reminisce about my past when it was better.

If you asked me to reminisce about a sweet memory between my family and I, I seriously can't remember anything.

When I was 4, I knew dad was home by hearing him only. I seldom get to see dad, or all I could see was his car leaving the house. When I went to school, I would hear about my friends' fun time with their parents.

All I had was my Indonesian maid who took care of me. She loved me like a son. Mom often said she was buying my heart and that she was faking her love to protect her job.

I was perplexed. She protected me, used her own money to treat me, and did everything she could for me. Things weren't that bad when she was around, I had someone I could talk to, interact with. Since mom's usually busy marking books or writing her reports.

My sister treated me like a nobody. She never liked me back then, and was sort of ashamed of my existence. When I was younger, I was proud of my sister. She was a prefect and the only one who was offered the position of head prefect, but she rejected it.

I dreamed that one day I would be just like her. However, I was flabbergasted as a child when she denied my existence in front of her friends.

I greeted her and proudly introduced her as my sister to my friends but she did one thing, which broke my heart. She promptly told her friends, I don't know this boy.

I remember getting scolded by mom frequently because of her. Mom asked both of us to do chores but she was lazy, and I cried for her help because the laundry was heavy but she will not help me (after our maid left).

After that, I vowed never to ask for her help ever again.

My family ties with other relatives got separated (paternal side) and it hurts to know about it. Sometimes, when visiting relatives, they would ask why didn't we join my uncle's family? Dad would said he didn't know about them coming down to visit and I would be sad.

I missed both my paternal aunts; now ignoring my family.

My maternal side, I really loved my younger uncles. The rest, it's not that I want to hate them. I do love them. However, they frequently looked down upon my family's financial status and often bragged as they offered to buy me stuff. I would politely smile and decline.

My maternal aunt, now got into a fight with my maternal grandparents and now, they are avoiding each other. During moon cake festival, they stayed at home although all the families returned for the gathering.

I missed those days when all the families gathered for Chinese New Year or Moon Cake Festival. However, now, it looked like a distant past; growing hazier and blur in my mind as I am starting to forget about those good old days.

My paternal grandparents. Never met my grandmom but I am sure I would love to see her if I could, even if it was for one day. My granddad was the most awesome person I've ever met.
The floats he made each time I visited him was awesome and I could never forget it.

But I was immature, I didn't treasure him. I didn't speak to him much. I only wanted his floats and money (he was a very generous and loved me with all his heart).

There are times, I wished God would take me away and let me meet up with my grandparents.
Perhaps after death, would I be able to find peace in my heart.


Nothing could change my past. But given the chance, I want to live those moments once more. To know what it feels to be alive and loved.

Au revoir.

Dilemma

Today, I wasn't feeling any better from usual. I was still depressed. In my mind, I was haunted by my past, troubled by my current problems and worrying about my future.

The only thing that I could seek comfort from was from my novel as it won't hurt me nor lie to me. However, it's not the same as a trustworthy person.

Alexandra  was there to comfort me, well sort of. She offered me help and I refused initially. I mean, I am so not worth her time and effort. However, she insisted and I finally relented.

I went to college like usual (I thought I could) but I felt numb seeing my friends. I thought I could disclose my problems to them but I am in doubt now.

I realized people who listened to my problems often get hurt or break up from gangs and I can't bear to see my gang break up. I faked a smile and pretended to be cheerful.

After lunch, I went to MBS and she should have seen the look on her face. Alexandra was like OMGosh.

We chat together and somehow I felt that she might have this impression on me.

She said she loved it when I smiled but to fake a smile in front of her was something that I couldn't do. I can't cheat her by simply smiling. When one smiles, it comes from within.

Like this.

A smile should come from within.

After she left the LRT, I was contemplating with myself. Which personality should I choose and stick with it.

I felt both sides of me contemplating to see which one of them would be dominant.

I felt the Emo side of me battling with the cheerful side of me.

My mind was in turmoil, my sanity was on the line. I couldn't decide.
In the end, it was chosen and I couldn't do anything else but to live with it.

I just couldn't bear to let my cheerful but annoying self going round anymore. He only brought trouble to everyone around him and I've decided to lock him deep within me.

And decided to free the Emo me.

Now, he is free to roam in my life.

At least, the Emo me won't annoy people but behaves himself. The Emo me studies and won't be distracted easily. He is the perfect candidate to face the examination because with Emo comes along Insomnia.

It would be perfect for me.

I know I told you that I would change for the better, well at least try. But I did warn you, that I might (most probably) fail.

I am sorry, Alex.

Life is just so painful. I tried hard to hold everything in me and not lose my temper or dissatisfaction. But no matter how hard I try; I still failed.

It felt like a stab to my heart.

It's just too much to bear.
Sometimes, if you look hard enough, you can see a tear streaming down my face. Normally I would notice but these days, I won't notice until I snap out of my daze.

Life is tormenting.  To those whom I trusted wrongly, Congratulations.

But it doesn't matter. Why? Because...

No one would bother about some nobody like me.

I am nobody with one purpose, to bring joy to others and only others at the cost of my own.

Au revoir~~

The Absence of Joy

The sorrow of a thousand men
I'd bear them all with ease.

But the thought of losing you.
Shatters my heart with ease.

I've been through so much but nothing can be compared to this pain that I am experiencing now.

Why do my tears shed for you?

Teddies don't hug back the way you do. But at least they do not hurt me like you did.

 But I never blamed you, because it's all my fault. I chose this path and there's no turning back.

I hope to end everything with my disappearance from our life. It's the second time but the first scar hasn't healed properly and then came the second.

I haven't been able to sleep for days. The pain is killing me. Every minute of my life is about you.

Insomnia has returned and I don't know how long will I be able to withstand it.

My heart ached from the thought of losing you.

But that will never happen, right?
I am nothing compared to you.

I don't see any point in living anymore without you in my life.
The pain is unbearable.

I often said that you helped me and now it's my turn to help you. However, now I realized I need you more than ever in my life.

I remembered every single thing you said as best as I could.
They are all carved onto my heart.

But let me stress again, it's not HER fault.

I chose this path.

I need you in my life.

I don't like you.

I love you.

I don't want you

I need you.

I won't cry for you.

I'd die for you.

Signing off

Desolation

I thought this would be it.
I thought this was the answer.
I thought that I could soar.

But.

I was wrong.
I was never there.
I realized that I was never meant to fly.


Analogy
I am but a mere human trying to fly, but in the end, I plunged to my death just like Icarus who flew too close to the Sun.

Mere mortals were never meant to fly.

Tell me, why is life so painful?
Maybe I should put life aside and wander watch it drift pass quickly?

I went out today.
I am sure everyone thought I was fine. Perhaps for a brief moment there, I too was convinced that I could be fine.





Perhaps only by death, will I find peace.

I am seriously exhausted.
I can't bear to continue this journey anymore.



I am sorry.
I just couldn't help it.

Goodbyes are painful but I haven't got any other options left.
I am bounded to isolation in a dark chamber.

I can never leave this place without bringing pain to people around me.

I am what I am and that's being Emo.

Live with it or be drowned in It.

P.s My heart belonged to you, if you don't mind it being shattered to bits.

Perhaps The Last.

I have been on hiatus for ages already. It's been forever since I last blogged or hanged out at Innit. I feel happy being able to blog but this joy will only last for today only and perhaps next year, if I have not given up blogging will I be able to experience the same joy again.

After today, I will feel sad because I won't be able to do my favorite thing anymore which is to blog and chat with Innit buddies. However, I have learned something very valuable from the past few days, which is to rejoice in the suffering that I have to face and trust that one person who will love me and take care of me and that person is none other then God, himself.

I realized that Dota had hooked me away from God when I was an addict and after confessing my sins, God gave me strength to break free from my addiction. Now, it's been months since I last touched Dota and I seriously rejoiced in the Lord for saving me.

Now, there's one more thing I must give up, or at least reduce it from addiction to hobby to prevent myself from drifting further from the Lord.

However, all these is insignificant stuff. True joy does not come from materialistic possession but from the peace of heart. All I ever wanted was to be able to proudly declare myself as a Christian, nevertheless I haven't got the courage nor the wisdom to disclose my secret to my parents.

Let me briefly share my feelings here, I have envy and jealousy towards others, which is a sin. However, I do not envy them for materialistic possession but for their family who accepted Christ as their savior.

I remembered attending Church alone every Sunday. All I wanted was being able to attend Church with my family members. Besides that, my friend's family were always there with them when during celebrations but I have not been able to do so.

Please forgive me for my jealousy and ranting but it's so painful leading a secret life, forsaking God by denying him while dishonoring my parents by cheating them. Do you know how it feels knowing that you are safe yourself but your parents aren't.

I seek refuge in the Lord but my parents don't. Now, I am terribly worried about their future.

One thing for sure, God is Good and one day their hearts will be soften and they will turn to the Lord to seek refuge.

I will end this with a lovely song.

Talking To The Moon (Bruno Mars)

 

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbors think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have

Chorus:

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself

Talking to the Moon
Try to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I'm feeling like I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say
I've gone mad
Yeah
I've gone mad
But they don't know
what I know

Cause when the
sun goes down
someone's talking back
Yeah
http://www.elyricsworld.com/talking_to_the_moon_lyrics_bruno_mars.html
They're talking back

Chorus:

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Try to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you

In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away

Today I went back to my former secondary school for lunch since my friends wanted to have lunch with me to celebrate my status change; being legal now.

As I went back, Eric asked me earlier about my personal life and he asked me whether I was with my girl friend (now Ex), and I told him we were through a few months  ago.

He called me a Play Boy, although I think I am not one.
Before I can say anything else he asked me whether I have found a new girl friend or not and I said I haven't which he doubted at first.

When I thought about these it made me sad, as nostalgic memories/feelings came into my mind.
After Eric left, Alexandra and I were chatting in the canteen and I showed her a parody which is G@y but funny; here's the link

After watching that funny, yet a bit vulgar video, she asked me whether I had this song Talking To The Moon which I don't at that point. At first I thought it was going to be like the Billionaire song, pop song but it turned out to be a ballad instead (I think) which suits my emo personality.

It describes what I am going through and how I feel for that person right now. Oh well, it's impossible because I am so fuggly.

Signing off

I Am Legal Now

Some how I feel depressed today. I seriously hate this day even though it's supposed to be a wonderful day.
If you don't get it, go read my profile and thou shall understand.

I see sincerity in some but still there are those who certainly lacked sincerity; to my utter disappointment. Perhaps today is the single day that I can get mad at people and get away with it.If you still don't get it, seriously, read my profile again; with spectacles or a magnifying glass.


I never liked this day of every year because some how, disappointment follows and grows as I grew older. I really appreciated Henry Tan's generosity; asking me to so many events but unfortunately I can't attend them all temporarily due to unfortunate circumstances. When I am clear of those troubles, you bet I will attend them all.

This Aunt  remembered and I totally appreciated her sincerity; so did Vince; by the way, you owe me booze as mentioned earlier through the phone. The most touching yet was an sms by my Singaporean friend/brother, Victor Lee.

Now that I am freaking legal, bring out the booze and babes as I drunk myself in them. I love my friends and all though I dislike this day.

Nostalgic memories of the past; haunts me til today.

Signing off "legally" now.

Flabbergasted

I went to 7-11 to get change since shops weren't open that early. After scrutinizing for a while I've decided to buy Extra MINTS  Professional (Wild Berries Flavor).

Tastes good.

 So I opened the cover and popped 3 into my mouth and sucked on them til they dissolved. When they dissolved, I popped a few more into my mouth about 5-10 minutes after the first 3 dissolved.

This pattern continued as I kept popping them into my mouth with delight. Everything seemed fine till I saw what the fine print on the container said when I was flipping it around.

As mentioned it is the fine prints.

 Written there was;

MADE IN CHINA FOR THE WRIGLEY COMPANY PTY., LTD. AT MICHIGAN AVE., ASQUITH, NSW 2077, AUSTRALIA AND FOR THE WRIGLEY CO. (NZ) LTD., 45 BANKS RD, AUCKLAND 1134, NEW ZEALAND. CONTAINS PHENYLALANINE. EXCESS CONSUMPTION MAY HAVE A LAXATIVE EFFECT.

It would seem perfectly normal. Actually it is perfectly normal and is quite boring for you all to read under normal circumstances, I mean who reads this stuff any way BUT in my case it is different because as you can see, I had already pop about 15-20 of those into my mouth and combined with the last line;

EXCESS CONSUMPTION MAY HAVE A LAXATIVE EFFECT.

I was flabbergasted. Shouldn't the company print this warning a little bigger?
After a while, I really had to go to the toilet. If only I had read it sooner.

Signing off.
P.S Everyone should read these fine prints or you might get a random and unexpected surprise like that.

P.p.S Laxative is something you take if you have constipation.

P.p.p.S I wasn't having constipation so the effect was horrible.

 

Unrest

Unrest. 

An uneasy or troubled condition

I am feeling unrest now. So many things whizzing through my mind. Nevertheless, stress is upon me and gaining momentum as I tire out easily these days. Even after taking long naps (of 4-5 hours) I can still sleep all the way till the next morning and still feel tired the next day.

Besides, my white hair has grown in number. I really need someone to talk to but I am afraid. Normally people whom I confide my secrets to often get hurt by me in the end.

 

Sometimes I do wonder whether I made the right choice or not. However, it is already done and I can't change it no matter how hard I try.

I really missed those days where things were simple.

Signing off, listening to this song; reminds me of the past.

DiGi iPhone 4 Life

This is how far I would go for an iPhone 4.

I always looked from a side at friends who owned an iPhone from Maxis but I strongly believed that Digi would reward Digi Users one day. From the picture, the drought is about to end as rain is coming.

Digi is here to offer us (me) a chance to win an iPhone 4. If I were to win the iPhone 4, I will remain indebted to Digi for giving me a chance to shine.

I was once an Ugly Duckling isolated by others (Maxis iPhone Users)

Now, given the opportunity.

I can emerge as a Swan, thanks to Digi.


I loved all Digi events and Nuffnang events. Given the chance I will attend all of them. Here's one that I woill never forget.

Digi Berbuka Puasa

Lastly, if I were to win, I would show pests who support other Telco that Digi is the Best. Simply, the smarter choice.

Support Digi or you are considered a PEST.



With this video, all other Telco users should switch to Digi. Why?

Always the Smarter Choice

This is it,

 May God bless you all and I really hope to win and show other Telco users that Digi is the smartest choice I've made.

Signing off

DiGi iPhone 4 Real

I have been a Digi user for years and honestly speaking, I have enjoyed the packages offered by Digi without a fuss.

I remember when I first subscribed to Digi's Friends and Family and it was a sweet deal as I get discount for certain numbers that I added into that category.

Things got sweeter when I changed to Super SMS where I get to sms to Digi Users for free for the rest of the day after spending RM1.00. Back then, I was a SMS-holic and sent hundreds of SMS in one day. Hence, it was a dream come true when I learned and used this package.

Now, I am using Super Friends and Family which I find amazing because it allows me to add 2 non Digi numbers. What more could I ask for? Calling is now affordable and cheaper. As a pre-adult, I tend to have long conversations with the opposite gender and sometimes we ended up talking about an hour but with Super Friends and Family, it is worth while.



This seriously happened to me and I owed it all to Digi, the lovable choice. <3

Today, upon reading Digi iPhone 4 plans, I find it practically flawless and tempting. It's a sweet deal because it offers up to 1000 minutes of talk time which is definitely suitable for me since I practically talk to my friends at least half an hour a day through the phone.

As a blogger, MMS would certainly come in handy as I frequent events like Digi Berbuka Puasa. With the superb deal up to 60 MMS, I would be able to share with my friends my experience in an instance. What a wonderful deal for me as it is worth it and awesome.

My favorite feature would be the Internet which offers up to 5GB of usage . As a blogger, I will find it useful as I keep myself alert on more Digi offers through the web and Blogging events or perhaps joint event by Nuffnang and Digi. As an additional bonus, there will be no extra charges if we use over the monthly quota. How awesome is that? This means we can get unlimited Internet Surfing time.

Furthermore, I can have up to 6 FnF numbers and 6 supplementary lines which is actually a

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious deal.

Lastly, for the voice call, MMS and SMS deal, it is to all local networks and at an awesome rate. That is awesome as now I don't have to worry about which ever numbers I plan to call to since the charge rate is the same; one word, Cheap.

 

 

Digi, Brightening my days always. =)

Rushing off now. Got to get myself a Digi iPhone 4 Plan right this instant.

 

DiGi iPhone 4 Play

When I speak about iPhone 4, I think of the thousands of Apps that attracted my attention. So many Apps but so little time. There are many apps for many different purposes but my favorite of them all is

Tap Tap Revenge 3

Tap Tap Revenge 3

It is Tap-licious because I can spend hours playing the amazing App and never get bored of it. It certainly is a great way to kill time while waiting in the bus .

The first time I saw this game, I certainly judged a book by it's cover. My friend offered me a chance to tried it out but I simply refused his offer, stating that it was too simple.

 

One day, I was bored and we were waiting in the canteen for the next class. He offered again and due to boredom, I tried it out and before I knew it, I was in love with the game. I kept playing until I forgot to return his iPhone to him to him; much to his annoyance.

My Favorite Band, Maroon 5 =D

Besides, featuring awesome bands, Tap Tap Revenge 3 also have a feature that I love most which is 2 Player Mode. 

My first time playing this App was with a girl when she sat beside me with puppy eyes wanting a chance to play. So I passed the iPhone to her but she declined my offer because she feared that I would be bored instead and that wouldn't be nice.

I was touched by her kindness so I stopped my attempt to beat my friend's high score and luckily for us there was a 2 player mode.

So I opened the 2 player mode and played with her. It was a fun moment and we had lots of fun. Until now, I would never forget that moment especially when she cheated to win against me. 

If I were to win an iPhone 4 from Digi, I would definitely play Tap Tap Revenge 3 with her all day long.

Besides, this App contain many songs in it and it is a never ending onslaught of new songs. Tap Tap Revenge 3 features new songs each week. It is because if this feature that I never get bored of it as new challenges arise waiting for me to dominate it (though I am not an expert, YET)

For those who don't know what Tap Tap Revenge 3 is, it is a rhythm based game some what similar to Guitar Heroes or Band Heroes. Even though, I love both the Apps, but I don't think a majority number of Offices would allow their staffs to play them in the office, though I recalled seeing one particular office allowing their staffs to play it. 

Heritage House

The office is situated in this building. People might wonder what office would have Band Heroes and allow their staff to play it?

Well, it's this one.

It rhymes with Luff Nang. I wonder which one.

It is the fun and orange-licious office, Nuffnang office in Heritage House.

Stole this Picture.

It is an awesome game but it's not portable. No offense =D

 

 However, Tap Tap Revenge 3 is a portable version and the game play is by tapping instead. This way, I can play my favorite game with my favorite songs during class, work (if the boss is not around) and while I am in a boring lecture.

Yes, Convenience and Portable is another reason why I love this game. Besides, you can pretend to be serious at work on your iPhone but you're actually having a blast playing this game. Since you play it by tapping, it would appear that you're typing on your iPhone (in my case, iPhone 4).

 

Please keep this as a secret because I don't want potential employers to misjudged me.

 

Alright, I go to go Tap Tap now. 

Have a Tap-licious day.

DiGi iPhone 4 Me

When iPhone was released it was a phenomenal hit in my secondary school, everyone wanted one but not everyone can have one. Most of us (including me) could only watch those with iPhones boast and bragged about it all day long.

Well, after suffering for so long, a Knight in shinning armor emerged; his name was Digi, seeing us (me) suffered like that, he could not bear to watched this injustice and revealed the solution to my problem.



Digi, gave me the opportunity to own an iPhone 4. People might say that I want to win an iPhone 4 just to brag about it like my friend. But that's not my intention.

The reason I want an iPhone 4 is because there are two things in this world that makes me happy.

1. Digi, for providing me excellent coverage for almost a decade

2. Nuffnang, for allowing me to join events and making new friends.

It was a dream come true when Digi offered an iPhone 4 through Nuffnang. If I were to get the iPhone 4, I would get to video call through Digi and blog about further Digi events and other stuffs
(certainly not Maxis, Celcom, or U mobile) organized through Nuffnang.




Again why do I want a Digi iPhone 4? Because it is a gift from Digi if I were to get it. I would get to point back at other Telco users (Maxis, Celcom, U-Mobile) and shout out loud to them

Take That, Did Your Telco Provider Offer An iPhone 4 Like Mine?

 No? Well too bad. Digi is forever the smarter choice. =D

and it is definitely the smarter choice, same as the choices I made several years back when I first chose Digi, when I went against my family and stuck on to Digi when all of them changed to Maxis and all this is because I am a Digi Follower and nothing can change that.




Now, it's my turn to follow Digi as we both follow each other. Spread the Digi Love.


Now most people would say how much they want an iPhone 4 because of it's new functions but it's too cliche and I am sure Nuffnanger, Fresh would be bored reading thousands of blog post about it's functions when it is easily available through the Internet.

By the way, this is a shout out to Nuffies.

Hi Fresh, Rachel, Justina, Pinkie, Rob, Timothy and  all of the Nuffies. Thanks for the wonderful time. =D

 I would say that I want a Digi iPhone 4 because Digi is forever reliable and surely their iPhone 4 must be reliable as well. One word.

Strong

A combination of Digi and iPhone is surely to work wonders. Therefore I must have it.

Most of my friends with iPhones who went camping with me have no coverage when we are in the jungle. But I seriously believe that it would be different for me. Why? Take a look for yourself.



With Digi and an iPhone 4 it will seriously be an awesome experience. It will be a shout out to them.

Change to Digi, it follows you everywhere literally.

 Before I sign off. I have one more thing to say.



Peace and Have a Digi-rific day. Nuff with all my heart.

Bye

Au Revoir

As the title clearly states, Au Revoir; it means good bye and til we meet again. Yes. I mean it literally. To all my blog readers, kyoray05 is no longer capable of maintaining his life in a state of order.

Due to circumstances, Steven will no longer be updating posts,blog-walking,joining events, and be a butler/friend or someone to chat with Innit anymore.

He is also forbidden from using his Twitter anymore and his Facebook as well. Nothing can be done as this decision is finalized. He is forbidden from messenger as well.

Once again, I would like to say good bye and till we meet again, for now Au Revoir and may God bless you.

Signing off till who knows when.
P/s Boss, don't forget me please, Simon thanks for your support, Ronnie thanks old buddy and Vince for being there like every time.  Yuh Jiun. stop growling and everyone else (sorry time is running short) take care.

Brother from Mars and Sister from Venus

My sister and I practically never get along. Since, I was a toddler itself, I gave a scar to my sister when I threw a toy at her face.

I don't know but somehow I just cannot get along with her. My childhood was rather bleak from what I could recall. I remembered the times she lied to me, broke her promises, and ignored my pleas as I cried when I was in kindergarten.

People might say that I am making this up because it is impossible to have such a sister. People would be sure  that as she grew older she would have matured and changed for the better. That maybe true and perhaps I have prejudice against her but before any of us could seize the chance, she left for hostel in Malacca. It was during those years that whatever strings that were holding us as siblings snapped and was lost.

She left when I was in standard 6 and everyday I would return home to an empty house. I would have to prepare my own lunch or starve. The whole house would be empty and I was alone til late in the evenings when mom and dad returned. Most of the days, we would have take away for dinner, mostly economic rice or chicken rice.

I felt the emptiness at first but I was not badly affected by it til one day, when I was home alone, and it was raining heavily. The electricity got cut off and I was in the dark and was helpless. I sat in a corner in my room contemplating how would my life turn out if she didn't leave for hostel.

After that, this thought kept flashing in my mind and finally I decided never to rely on my family. I would try my best to avoid receiving any help from them. I ended up picking up cooking as a hobby when it started out as a necessity to survive. I never regretted choosing to be independent because I really dislike troubling my parents.

I used to depend on my father for supper but later on, I became the one who cooked breakfast and supper for my family. I remembered waking up early to prepare sandwiches for mom, dad and myself.
I'd prepare a meal for my parents or willingly give them mine and cook another for myself because I know no matter how much I compensate it would never be enough to compensate for everything they have given me.
However, I stood on my principle that I should not give my sister because she taught me a valuable lesson that I would never forget.

There is no free lunch in this world.

In my opinion, since she is 4 years older than me, she should be able to provide for herself instead of relying on me. I cooked for her a few times initially because mom kept giving sister her own portion. So, I'd cooked extra portions; against my principles to ensure mom gets enough. Luckily, now mom don't give her since she knew how strongly I dislike her giving my sister food like that. Readers might say, Steven you jerk, how could you man? Well, let me tell you then, I'd never asked food from her, not even a single bite because I don't believe in free lunches in this world and it was her who embedded this principle in my soul.

Besides this, my family and friends describe me as a very hak hei person. I don't know how to translate it, but allow me to describe it. When my family or friends offer me stuff, I would decline and try my best not to accept it. Again, I would stress again, I dislike taking favor from anyone but I don't mind doing favors for anyone except for my sister. Why? Cause I remembered her rejecting my requests even when I cried.
I remembered last time, mom asked us to chores, but my sister was lazy. I asked her to help me move the load of laundry but she refused to help me. I ended up injuring myself when I tried to carry the load of laundry. It was from that time, my dislike for her grew.

On the other hand, my sister will not think twice before she take stuff given to her. Yes, family or friends gifts or favors can be taken as long as they are not strangers. She is like a complete opposite of me.

We haven't spoken to each other properly for years, I'd say 5 years and counting. I am not sure how long would this silence last but I don't think I can let go of all my sorrow and move on.

My sister seldom go out with friends while I am the complete opposite. I go out at least once a week but she goes out like once in every few months. But I am not complaining because if she decides to tag along with me I would seriously reject her.

I know hating someone is only hurting myself but somehow I felt that this is the only path for me. I'd planned to migrate to somewhere far after my studies, perhaps somewhere far from my sister because I don't know how much further would my disliking for her grow.

Signing off
Path of an Emo blogger  

Fragile

Life is fragile and intangible. Given the chance I would have grasp on to it and never let go. There is a 4 years gap between my sister and I where I used to wonder why did my parents leave such a huge gap between us. My mom told me when they were planning to have me, my paternal grandmother passed away and it was taboo for them to have kids that year, hence they waited for the following year.

Referring to Jia Pei's post a little of youngest child syndrome, I get that sometimes since I am the youngest in my family and there is a 4 years gap between me and my sister. Life became better when my sister left for hostel and I was the only child at home. Mom and dad showered all their love on me but there are times I envied my sister.

My paternal grandmother passed away one year before I was born. If I could turn back the pendulum of Time, I would really do anything to see her. I heard from my parents she was a kind soul and it would have been awesome if I could meet her. The only thing I have to remember her is her pictures. But life is cruel and we have to accept things as they come. My beloved paternal grandfather remarried after that, so now I have a step-grandmother and I loved her like a real grandmother.

My paternal side consists  of my father, my uncle and two aunts, all of the same surname. We used to spend time together when my paternal grandfather was alive. But when he passed away, my uncle and aunts wanted to split the meager wealth my grandfather left, a single story house and a old Volvo. My dad being the eldest was asked to suggest that to my step-grandmother but he felt that those belongings rightfully belonged to my step-grandmother and refused their request.

When I asked mom why did my uncle and aunts didn't celebrate New Year with us, she told me this story and I was angry at my relatives. My step-grandmother treated all of us well and all she have was that house and car but they still wanted to take it away from her.

It's been many years and my once huge paternal family remains broken at my father's generation but I'd hope the younger generation, my cousins and I could solve this enmity among our family.

Two days ago, my granduncle passed away and it was a huge lost to my family. Both my grandfather and granduncle were the Kuala Lumpur branch of the family where else the larger branch remains in Kedah.
His family was the one that kept in contact with mine and it was sad to lose a great man like him.

When I went there, I saw the Singapore branch of my family (same surname). They are my granduncle's children and they brought their kids along. It's so cool to have family branches all over the world which treats you as family although they are distant relatives where else my immediate paternal relatives are cold to my family.

My dear paternal granduncle was attacked by stroke due to a heart condition. Both him and my grandfather underwent surgery to have a pace maker inserted since they have heart conditions. I'd understand that my grandfather probably did not take care of his diet but I was flabbergasted because my granduncle was as fit as a fiddle but he still got a heart condition and got stroke.

I used to take life for granted even after my grandfather passed away or when my teacher passed away. But this year, everything changed when 5 deaths occurred in 3 months. When my college friend passed away, I was flabbergasted since I didn't expect something like this but 2 weeks later, another friend just went like that and I was further depressed. Days later, my best friend just went off and I was totally depressed. The last straw was when my elder god-brother passed away weeks after my best friend and I was really down, but fortunately friends stood by me and comforted me. Now, my granduncle went as well, and I feel sad but I am prepared now as I finally understood that life and death is a natural cycle and we have to accept it no matter how bad it is.

When one dies, their physical presence may be gone but their spiritual presence remains with you. I can feel them by carrying on their legacy and ensuring that they will never be forgotten by future generation. Hence, I have made up my mind to carry on with my grandfather's legacy by being an Engineer and becoming the best to bring honor to my family. 

Signing off.
Cherish your loved ones and tell them how much you love them before it's too late.

Life

I was going to sneak up on you to surprise you. But before I could make my move, he walked towards you and both of you hugged. I stood there hidden from your sight, reassuring myself he probably was someone close to you and had not met for sometime. However, I could not believe my eyes when he stroked your hair with his fingers and as he moved in closer you actually gestured him to kiss you and you'd actually let him kiss you.

Tears filled my eyes because I placed my trust and faith in your hands. But never in my wildest dream would I have predicted that you would actually do that to me. As both of you kissed, I walked away leaving the bouquet of flowers on the floor. I was devastated because I trusted you and you said that you loved me.

I went home feeling like a fool.

Mom warned me about her,"You are a fool Steven, she is not worthy of your love! She will end up hurting you!"

I was furious and shouted back at her," You don't even know her and you're judging her like that? Don't judge a book by it's cover, Mom!". 

Having said that, I left the house this morning only to be hurt by someone who is special in my heart. I thought to myself if only I had listened to mom. Mom warned me that she was a materialistic person, interested in getting gifts from me, but I shrugged at her advice and insisted on being with her.

As I walked, she caught up with me with the bouquet of flowers.
 She reached for my arm and held onto me, "Steve, why did you leave this flowers behind and walked away? I missed you, dear."

Tears, filled up my eyes again as she continued saying how much she loved me and missed me. I could not take it anymore and shouted at her," Enough, all this while I got you everything you wanted, I tried my best to fulfill your needs, but you'd betrayed me. How could you?"

She shot me a puzzled look, and tried to defend herself," What do you mean Steven? I love you only and you're the only guy I could ever love."

"Lies, your lieng. I saw you kissing someone else earlier. How could you? Mom was right, your feelings for me weren't real!" 

Now I find myself hard to trust anyone else. I find it hard to relate to people because I am afraid that I might get hurt again. She was the one who brought colors to my monotonous world, she was the one that wiped my tears by cheering me up and she was the one that colored my life but now she is also the one that shattered my world.

I am no longer angry at you. Hating someone is painful and it will do me no good. It's time for me to move on as I will continue my life never daring to love again.

Signing off

Who is Steven?

"Hi, may I know what's your name?"

"My name is Steven."

"Oh, (awkward look) hi Steven."

"My innit name is Kyoray."

"Oh, you're Kyoray, nice to meet you (better expression)

I've been to some blogger events and when I introduced myself as Steven, a huge majority would shoot an awkward look at me and gave me the perception, "who on Earth is Steven?"

And when I revealed that I am Kyoray on Innit then only a small number of people recognizes me. The rest don't know me. I mean compared with Vince, he just have to introduce himself as Vince, and everyone, at least a majority of people know about him. Sometimes, I feel like I want to be Vince.

Alright, I have done my daily quota of linking Vince to my blog. The above is just to fulfill my quota and has no purpose at all. He is paying me to advertise for him

Alright, back to the title. Who is Steven. Steven is a babe dude better known as kyoray, ray or butler. He is supposed to be 18 this year but not legal yet (accepts cash and cheques as gifts). He studied in MBS Monkey Boys' School (Methodist Boys' School) and did not become G@Y furthered his studies in MCKL Monkey College Kuala Lumpure (Methodist College Kuala Lumpur) and became G@Y plans to further his studies to the University of Nottingham.

Alright, he studies when the Internet is down most of the time and goes on Innitall day long when he takes a break from studying. Innit users will picture kyoray as a cheerful person which has a tendency to go Emo quite frequently but the real person behind kyoray, Steven, yours truly is Emo most of the time and do not open to people like in Innit.

Before, I carry on, I would like to apologize to Sueme, for my statement. But the point is, you have to move on with death. I am not comparing who faced more deaths and I know how it felt. Your friend left but my grand Uncle left me last night. But, I believe that he is in a better place now, I feel sad but it will not break me down. Perhaps, we can give a prayer for her friend.

When I first saw Clevermunkey it was during the LG Cookie Monster Party and seriously I didn't speak with him at all because I didn't know what to say. After meeting up a few times only can I talk to him as a friend and now everything's fine. Same with Babebaboon. It took a while before I get to click in. While, there are some that I can click in immediately like Vince, I wonder why.


So if in previous outings I have offended you by being cold or in future potential outings, that I might offend you I sincerely apologize.

Well, Steven is like that because he just feels awkward you know. He cares too much of what others think and seriously making a bad impression is a taboo to him but he too realizes that fear of making a bad impression is actually making the bad impression. But he just can't help it.

Life experience. He went to church and everyone was lovely. Everyone treated him like family. They gave him lots of concern and kindness but he felt that he of all people should not accept it because he don't deserve it.
Who is he to take so much like that? One of the lady there, Aunty Grace was sweet to him, she embraced him and he felt touch.

But it was due to their niceness that he felt that he can never return to avoid disappointing them because people around Steven tends to get hurt quite often. Vince and I argued quite often but since we knew each other for years, we would make up in the end.

Signing off
Awesome people Gives Me Hope (GMH)

Downs and Inspiration

I woke up this morning like usual as life continues in the same monotonous regime. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I enrolled for form 6 or Advanced Tertiary College (ATC), the place Vince. Perhaps life would be different but whether it's for the better or worse I will never know.

I was once a teenager and I still am at least till I am legally 18. I too experienced puppy love and Vince certainly knew all about it. Because Vince knew about my first relationship and when I broke up and all the way up to my current crush.

But sometimes knowing too much can be quite a burden or tiring, after many failures, Vince got tired of listening to my stories. I don't blame him and you would be flabbergasted to know about my love life. Well, no offense to Jady but I think you might have made an error about me with dao hua yuan because I am still single and doubt anyone would fall for me since I am fuggly. If you don't believe me, visit Vince's blog to see my picture.

Please do not come and comfort me saying I am not that bad or stuff like that. It's something I am born with and shall live with it for the rest of my life. Accept me for who I am or leave it. I realized many people would change themselves to impress people. A little is fine but I was flabbergasted when I heard men in America spent RM15.6 billion on cosmetics from the radio.

Before I continue, I just heard my grand uncle, from my paternal side passed away today. Perhaps death has been common these days but I felt no remorse. Lets take a moment of silent here and perhaps you can give a silent prayer to their family. I would appreciate your help.

Many said to love is better than to have never loved. I would agree to that because the feeling of courtship was the best moment of my life as I tried my best to get my first girlfriend. At that point, Vince and my gang each had their girlfriend and I felt left out.

Stupidly I rushed into a relationship. It didn't last long till we broke up since we were not meeting each other. You can call it a Distanced relationship where we seldom met instead we talked through the phone frequently.
I would sacrifice my sleeping time to talk with her and spent lots of money on phone bills. Well, we were immature, well mostly me since I did not sacrifice enough for the relationship. There are times where I ignored her and played my game for hours.

Inevitably, we broke up and I was devastated by the sudden bachelorhood again. But weeks later, I met a girl from Sarawak who had the same interests as me. We both played the same game and it was like a dream come true until she went back to Sarawak when her holiday ended.

At this point it was a long distant relationship and things were tough since we couldn't meet each other since I was about to face SPM. However, I saved whatever scrap I had and finally managed to save enough money to book a to and fro ticket to Sarawak to visit her. But before I could go, we broke up because she was tired of the Long Distant Relationship.

From this point, it was my second failure and I regained my bachelor status again. After that, I never succeeded anymore. Somehow, I can befriend girls but could never make the next step even though we became close friends. I fear of getting hurt once more. I was depressed all the time.

There was a time when I was seriously down but as I was walking home, I saw the most peculiar thing which changed my life. I saw a small boy trying to shoot a basket ball into the hoop from the 3 points line but the ball did not even touch the board. So, I sat at a road side hawker and watched him shoot.

Even when I finished my meal, he cannot even get 1 ball in. I shrugged my shoulders and thought to myself that's life, life is unfair and cruel when suddenly he shouted with joy. I realized he finally scored a 3 point shot.
I smiled and bought a can of 100 Plus and gave it to the boy, congratulating him for his success. As I walked away, I realized that this boy taught me something really valuable.

Many had advice me to give up and just when I was about to give up, this boy woke me up and taught me a valuable lesson,which is to never give up. I smiled and walked away knowing that giving up should never be an option.

Sometimes, experience alone is not sufficient. The elder generation is never always right while the younger generation is never always wrong. Likes the saying goes, it only takes one grain of rice to tip of the scale which means every single effort/advice counts no matter how small it may seem.

But sometimes life seems to throw everything at you and there seems to be no way out. Well, make your own path then. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life closes one road, take another. It is when you give up then everything fails and you will be stuck to the past as others move on in life. 

Signing off.
Love gives me hope.

A Coin Has 2 Sides.

I have been pondering for a while now. I tried to be the second Vince but evidently I am not cut out to be like him. It has come to my attention that my pathetic attempts to humor or bring joy to the Blogosphere world is futile.

Hence, I think I am switching back to conventional blogging. Let words do the talking since a picture carries a thousand words and perhaps it sends the wrong message or misleads people. 

According to Fanwonder, we should blog about stuff that we are passionate about because it is of our interest and readers can sense the passion in it. Therefore, I have decided to blog about something I am good at, being Emo.

I am sure everyone faced a situation where your parents actually apologized for not being able to provide for you the best of everything but of the best that they could afford. I went out shopping with my mom and saw many stuff that interests me, but recalling what a heavy burden I was to my family, I just window shopped and walk off.

Obviously, she is my mom and she noticed my disappointment as I walk pass those stores knowing I will not be able to get them in the nearest time. While walking, I hid my disappointment and feigned a cheerful look but somehow she walked close to me and asked me was I disappointed not being able to have everything I wanted while my friends have everything they wanted?

I lied. I told her mom, materialistic possession does not interest me because you and dad have provided enough love and care for me. But deep down, I was disappointed seeing friends with i phones, DSLRs, or cars.

I know mom has been trying her best. I know that I should not be too demanding but...
Don't you get that feeling where you want something so badly but it would be too much for your parents to handle since the funds could be put to better use.You would eventually stop asking for it (literally) but deep down you still want badly.

As I lied, I feigned another smile to comfort mom but deep down I was torn. I was torn not because of disappointment but because of my mom's words. Why ask when it is evident? I am sure she should know that I would lie.

But nevertheless, that topic was not mentioned again.
I am sure from my earlier posts that I did not have a smooth life and that I was Emo.
Some from Innit would have known from Jady's prediction that I have a scarred childhood.

Come to think of it, something happened today.
Mom and dad was having dinner and they asked me to join them, it was an unwritten rule in my house that all of must have our meals together during dinner. However over the years, I have been ignoring that rule because I feel myself distancing myself from my family members.

After their dinner, they walked up to me and asked me to Google about Vietnam. I did and they were checking about the city of Da Nang. I was puzzled, now is certainly not the right time for them to be planning a vacation. Have my parents lose their minds?

After dad left, I asked mom why the sudden interest in Da Nang? Well, the truth came out and dad might be going to Da Nang, Vietnam. He has applied for the job to support me and it was heart wrenching.

Dad and I have not been close since my early days as a child. When I was in kindergarten, all I could remember of dad was seeing his car leaving the house as I woke up. At night, I would be fast asleep when he returns. Sometimes, I could hear mom and arguing in the kitchen and I would silently cry in my room.


I feared my father instead of respecting him. He was a strict man but deep down he was gentle. Over the months I find myself distancing myself from dad because I felt awkward around him. If dad goes, perhaps my family would be able to lead a more fancy life but the price is not seeing dad for some time. He is going there for a construction project and it would be months before I can see him perhaps, years.

Many given the opportunity would like to pursue their ambition. But I don't have that opportunity. I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad Nuffy and retire at a age of 30 to a remote tropical beach and own a sea side BBQ restaurant.

That would be my dream life but do you know what mom said to me? She wants me do PhD and I was flabbergasted. If I want to lead my dream life, I don't have the time to study for PhD because I would have to work and save as much as possible to earn my ideal life. My ideal place would be Hawaii as I sit on a hammock and play a saxophone. I know, why saxophone? Well, it's my passion. Or lie on a hammock and enjoy the cool breeze before walking to my restaurant in the afternoon to enjoy cold beer with tourists and meeting new people.

If Hawaii is not possible perhaps somewhere with a beautiful seaside far from the hustle and bustle of city life. But what about my parents then? What about my other half? Would any girl be radical like me to give up Gucci, Channel or LV to go through a mediocre but peaceful life?

Guess not. Signing off.