Good morning, well it's been 4 years and I am still blogging. Hope to continue til I die perhaps? Well, I desire a change in mood and enviroment. So, this blog will be use solely for sad stuff (if i ever encounter any) or to participate in events. Meanwhile, majority of my posts will be done in my new blog. Thanks for visiting all these while.
Here is the new link
http://memoiresdesteven.blogspot.com/
Au revoir.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Desolation
I gaze for the stars and shoot for the moon. But I failed to realized that it was beyond my grasp. Perhaps it's time where life stops giving and starts taking from me. The climate may be warm but my heart feels cold. It's been too darn long since I felt the warmth of friendship, radiance from a smile or the bickering of friends on making decisions.
Once, Twice and.... Well, I've actually lost count. I've seen so many Good Byes that I actually do feel numb; tired of life. From time to time, I would prefer to be isolated from the rest of the world; in a cold and dark room. All this time, as I grew up, I realized I never knew my family as well as I thought. I felt alone in this world. Everytime they try to talk to me, my heart would harden and I felt no warmth nor no love. Life seems to be a business proposition at home and I can do nothing but please them.
I am tired of this kind of life, pretending to be someone I am not. Even recently, I realized that I made mistakes and realized that I was never being serious; when I look back; all I felt was anger and regret. I am starting to doubt myself these days. If all this is a test, well I am failing pathetically.
Everyone around me jokes that I think too much; hence white hairs. Well, it's partially true, I do think a lot. To be precise, I reminiscized about the past, pondered about the present and contemplated for the future. People say, learn from the past, think about the present and prepare for the future. Yet nothing seems to be working for me.
To me life is bitter. Guess what? Coffee is bitter as well. But at the very least, you could always add creamer or sugar to sweeten the coffee. What bout my life? Well, I see no silver lining admist the dark clouds. I've lost confidence in the silver lining and decided that I should take things into my account. I no longer have faith for most people around me. No offence, but I really loss hope in relying on others.
I do appreciate everything that's been for me but there are things that I've got to do by myself. I should have never left the cold path that I took. I never expected life to be this cruel.
Au Revoir.
Misery loves company. Well, I do miss Misery as well. At least, things couldn't get worse anymore.
Once, Twice and.... Well, I've actually lost count. I've seen so many Good Byes that I actually do feel numb; tired of life. From time to time, I would prefer to be isolated from the rest of the world; in a cold and dark room. All this time, as I grew up, I realized I never knew my family as well as I thought. I felt alone in this world. Everytime they try to talk to me, my heart would harden and I felt no warmth nor no love. Life seems to be a business proposition at home and I can do nothing but please them.
I am tired of this kind of life, pretending to be someone I am not. Even recently, I realized that I made mistakes and realized that I was never being serious; when I look back; all I felt was anger and regret. I am starting to doubt myself these days. If all this is a test, well I am failing pathetically.
Everyone around me jokes that I think too much; hence white hairs. Well, it's partially true, I do think a lot. To be precise, I reminiscized about the past, pondered about the present and contemplated for the future. People say, learn from the past, think about the present and prepare for the future. Yet nothing seems to be working for me.
To me life is bitter. Guess what? Coffee is bitter as well. But at the very least, you could always add creamer or sugar to sweeten the coffee. What bout my life? Well, I see no silver lining admist the dark clouds. I've lost confidence in the silver lining and decided that I should take things into my account. I no longer have faith for most people around me. No offence, but I really loss hope in relying on others.
I do appreciate everything that's been for me but there are things that I've got to do by myself. I should have never left the cold path that I took. I never expected life to be this cruel.
Au Revoir.
Misery loves company. Well, I do miss Misery as well. At least, things couldn't get worse anymore.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Emptiness
When I look back now, I realized that my life was a lie. I could cheat the world but I could never cheat myself no matter how hard I try. I was a selfish and conceited person back in primary school and I'd soon realized that by being so I will never make friends. However, instead of controlling it, I resorted to denial and changed tremendously. I decided never to make any decision and leave it all to others as I try to be as flexible as possible. Yes, probably I did gain more friends, but it also meant that I became someone else. I was anti social and isolated myself from the world.
Fortunately, I met several people who took turns to change my life. However, by the time they read this post, they would have realized that I was no where different from the beginning. Now, my minds all messed up and my emotions are all out of control. Back then, I was a pessimist, filled with negativity about myself; but now Rage is all I felt for the world and people around me. I can't seem to be able to control my temper or anger anymore; nowadays, I would lose my temper at my loved ones without realizing it and when I walked away, my heart aches and I really felt helpless. People might think that I am writting this to gain attention or sort, but I beg to differ; I am writting this as a reminder to myself that I do have this issue.
It's due to this anger; that I've decided to isolate myself even further compared to my pessimistic days.
If only I could wipe those feelings like a tear.
Well, if only...
But there's no If's....
I really miss talking to her but I should move on and close this chapter of my life.
Living life with no regrets is not as simple as it sounds. Ignorance might not be blissful forever; just temporarily.
Walking out.
Fortunately, I met several people who took turns to change my life. However, by the time they read this post, they would have realized that I was no where different from the beginning. Now, my minds all messed up and my emotions are all out of control. Back then, I was a pessimist, filled with negativity about myself; but now Rage is all I felt for the world and people around me. I can't seem to be able to control my temper or anger anymore; nowadays, I would lose my temper at my loved ones without realizing it and when I walked away, my heart aches and I really felt helpless. People might think that I am writting this to gain attention or sort, but I beg to differ; I am writting this as a reminder to myself that I do have this issue.
It's due to this anger; that I've decided to isolate myself even further compared to my pessimistic days.
If only I could wipe those feelings like a tear.
Well, if only...
But there's no If's....
I really miss talking to her but I should move on and close this chapter of my life.
Living life with no regrets is not as simple as it sounds. Ignorance might not be blissful forever; just temporarily.
Walking out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)