I gaze for the stars and shoot for the moon. But I failed to realized that it was beyond my grasp. Perhaps it's time where life stops giving and starts taking from me. The climate may be warm but my heart feels cold. It's been too darn long since I felt the warmth of friendship, radiance from a smile or the bickering of friends on making decisions.
Once, Twice and.... Well, I've actually lost count. I've seen so many Good Byes that I actually do feel numb; tired of life. From time to time, I would prefer to be isolated from the rest of the world; in a cold and dark room. All this time, as I grew up, I realized I never knew my family as well as I thought. I felt alone in this world. Everytime they try to talk to me, my heart would harden and I felt no warmth nor no love. Life seems to be a business proposition at home and I can do nothing but please them.
I am tired of this kind of life, pretending to be someone I am not. Even recently, I realized that I made mistakes and realized that I was never being serious; when I look back; all I felt was anger and regret. I am starting to doubt myself these days. If all this is a test, well I am failing pathetically.
Everyone around me jokes that I think too much; hence white hairs. Well, it's partially true, I do think a lot. To be precise, I reminiscized about the past, pondered about the present and contemplated for the future. People say, learn from the past, think about the present and prepare for the future. Yet nothing seems to be working for me.
To me life is bitter. Guess what? Coffee is bitter as well. But at the very least, you could always add creamer or sugar to sweeten the coffee. What bout my life? Well, I see no silver lining admist the dark clouds. I've lost confidence in the silver lining and decided that I should take things into my account. I no longer have faith for most people around me. No offence, but I really loss hope in relying on others.
I do appreciate everything that's been for me but there are things that I've got to do by myself. I should have never left the cold path that I took. I never expected life to be this cruel.
Misery loves company. Well, I do miss Misery as well. At least, things couldn't get worse anymore.