A Coin Has 2 Sides.

I have been pondering for a while now. I tried to be the second Vince but evidently I am not cut out to be like him. It has come to my attention that my pathetic attempts to humor or bring joy to the Blogosphere world is futile.

Hence, I think I am switching back to conventional blogging. Let words do the talking since a picture carries a thousand words and perhaps it sends the wrong message or misleads people. 

According to Fanwonder, we should blog about stuff that we are passionate about because it is of our interest and readers can sense the passion in it. Therefore, I have decided to blog about something I am good at, being Emo.

I am sure everyone faced a situation where your parents actually apologized for not being able to provide for you the best of everything but of the best that they could afford. I went out shopping with my mom and saw many stuff that interests me, but recalling what a heavy burden I was to my family, I just window shopped and walk off.

Obviously, she is my mom and she noticed my disappointment as I walk pass those stores knowing I will not be able to get them in the nearest time. While walking, I hid my disappointment and feigned a cheerful look but somehow she walked close to me and asked me was I disappointed not being able to have everything I wanted while my friends have everything they wanted?

I lied. I told her mom, materialistic possession does not interest me because you and dad have provided enough love and care for me. But deep down, I was disappointed seeing friends with i phones, DSLRs, or cars.

I know mom has been trying her best. I know that I should not be too demanding but...
Don't you get that feeling where you want something so badly but it would be too much for your parents to handle since the funds could be put to better use.You would eventually stop asking for it (literally) but deep down you still want badly.

As I lied, I feigned another smile to comfort mom but deep down I was torn. I was torn not because of disappointment but because of my mom's words. Why ask when it is evident? I am sure she should know that I would lie.

But nevertheless, that topic was not mentioned again.
I am sure from my earlier posts that I did not have a smooth life and that I was Emo.
Some from Innit would have known from Jady's prediction that I have a scarred childhood.

Come to think of it, something happened today.
Mom and dad was having dinner and they asked me to join them, it was an unwritten rule in my house that all of must have our meals together during dinner. However over the years, I have been ignoring that rule because I feel myself distancing myself from my family members.

After their dinner, they walked up to me and asked me to Google about Vietnam. I did and they were checking about the city of Da Nang. I was puzzled, now is certainly not the right time for them to be planning a vacation. Have my parents lose their minds?

After dad left, I asked mom why the sudden interest in Da Nang? Well, the truth came out and dad might be going to Da Nang, Vietnam. He has applied for the job to support me and it was heart wrenching.

Dad and I have not been close since my early days as a child. When I was in kindergarten, all I could remember of dad was seeing his car leaving the house as I woke up. At night, I would be fast asleep when he returns. Sometimes, I could hear mom and arguing in the kitchen and I would silently cry in my room.


I feared my father instead of respecting him. He was a strict man but deep down he was gentle. Over the months I find myself distancing myself from dad because I felt awkward around him. If dad goes, perhaps my family would be able to lead a more fancy life but the price is not seeing dad for some time. He is going there for a construction project and it would be months before I can see him perhaps, years.

Many given the opportunity would like to pursue their ambition. But I don't have that opportunity. I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad Nuffy and retire at a age of 30 to a remote tropical beach and own a sea side BBQ restaurant.

That would be my dream life but do you know what mom said to me? She wants me do PhD and I was flabbergasted. If I want to lead my dream life, I don't have the time to study for PhD because I would have to work and save as much as possible to earn my ideal life. My ideal place would be Hawaii as I sit on a hammock and play a saxophone. I know, why saxophone? Well, it's my passion. Or lie on a hammock and enjoy the cool breeze before walking to my restaurant in the afternoon to enjoy cold beer with tourists and meeting new people.

If Hawaii is not possible perhaps somewhere with a beautiful seaside far from the hustle and bustle of city life. But what about my parents then? What about my other half? Would any girl be radical like me to give up Gucci, Channel or LV to go through a mediocre but peaceful life?

Guess not. Signing off.