Brother from Mars and Sister from Venus

My sister and I practically never get along. Since, I was a toddler itself, I gave a scar to my sister when I threw a toy at her face.

I don't know but somehow I just cannot get along with her. My childhood was rather bleak from what I could recall. I remembered the times she lied to me, broke her promises, and ignored my pleas as I cried when I was in kindergarten.

People might say that I am making this up because it is impossible to have such a sister. People would be sure  that as she grew older she would have matured and changed for the better. That maybe true and perhaps I have prejudice against her but before any of us could seize the chance, she left for hostel in Malacca. It was during those years that whatever strings that were holding us as siblings snapped and was lost.

She left when I was in standard 6 and everyday I would return home to an empty house. I would have to prepare my own lunch or starve. The whole house would be empty and I was alone til late in the evenings when mom and dad returned. Most of the days, we would have take away for dinner, mostly economic rice or chicken rice.

I felt the emptiness at first but I was not badly affected by it til one day, when I was home alone, and it was raining heavily. The electricity got cut off and I was in the dark and was helpless. I sat in a corner in my room contemplating how would my life turn out if she didn't leave for hostel.

After that, this thought kept flashing in my mind and finally I decided never to rely on my family. I would try my best to avoid receiving any help from them. I ended up picking up cooking as a hobby when it started out as a necessity to survive. I never regretted choosing to be independent because I really dislike troubling my parents.

I used to depend on my father for supper but later on, I became the one who cooked breakfast and supper for my family. I remembered waking up early to prepare sandwiches for mom, dad and myself.
I'd prepare a meal for my parents or willingly give them mine and cook another for myself because I know no matter how much I compensate it would never be enough to compensate for everything they have given me.
However, I stood on my principle that I should not give my sister because she taught me a valuable lesson that I would never forget.

There is no free lunch in this world.

In my opinion, since she is 4 years older than me, she should be able to provide for herself instead of relying on me. I cooked for her a few times initially because mom kept giving sister her own portion. So, I'd cooked extra portions; against my principles to ensure mom gets enough. Luckily, now mom don't give her since she knew how strongly I dislike her giving my sister food like that. Readers might say, Steven you jerk, how could you man? Well, let me tell you then, I'd never asked food from her, not even a single bite because I don't believe in free lunches in this world and it was her who embedded this principle in my soul.

Besides this, my family and friends describe me as a very hak hei person. I don't know how to translate it, but allow me to describe it. When my family or friends offer me stuff, I would decline and try my best not to accept it. Again, I would stress again, I dislike taking favor from anyone but I don't mind doing favors for anyone except for my sister. Why? Cause I remembered her rejecting my requests even when I cried.
I remembered last time, mom asked us to chores, but my sister was lazy. I asked her to help me move the load of laundry but she refused to help me. I ended up injuring myself when I tried to carry the load of laundry. It was from that time, my dislike for her grew.

On the other hand, my sister will not think twice before she take stuff given to her. Yes, family or friends gifts or favors can be taken as long as they are not strangers. She is like a complete opposite of me.

We haven't spoken to each other properly for years, I'd say 5 years and counting. I am not sure how long would this silence last but I don't think I can let go of all my sorrow and move on.

My sister seldom go out with friends while I am the complete opposite. I go out at least once a week but she goes out like once in every few months. But I am not complaining because if she decides to tag along with me I would seriously reject her.

I know hating someone is only hurting myself but somehow I felt that this is the only path for me. I'd planned to migrate to somewhere far after my studies, perhaps somewhere far from my sister because I don't know how much further would my disliking for her grow.

Signing off
Path of an Emo blogger