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Saturday, November 6, 2010

Perhaps The Last.

I have been on hiatus for ages already. It's been forever since I last blogged or hanged out at Innit. I feel happy being able to blog but this joy will only last for today only and perhaps next year, if I have not given up blogging will I be able to experience the same joy again.

After today, I will feel sad because I won't be able to do my favorite thing anymore which is to blog and chat with Innit buddies. However, I have learned something very valuable from the past few days, which is to rejoice in the suffering that I have to face and trust that one person who will love me and take care of me and that person is none other then God, himself.

I realized that Dota had hooked me away from God when I was an addict and after confessing my sins, God gave me strength to break free from my addiction. Now, it's been months since I last touched Dota and I seriously rejoiced in the Lord for saving me.

Now, there's one more thing I must give up, or at least reduce it from addiction to hobby to prevent myself from drifting further from the Lord.

However, all these is insignificant stuff. True joy does not come from materialistic possession but from the peace of heart. All I ever wanted was to be able to proudly declare myself as a Christian, nevertheless I haven't got the courage nor the wisdom to disclose my secret to my parents.

Let me briefly share my feelings here, I have envy and jealousy towards others, which is a sin. However, I do not envy them for materialistic possession but for their family who accepted Christ as their savior.

I remembered attending Church alone every Sunday. All I wanted was being able to attend Church with my family members. Besides that, my friend's family were always there with them when during celebrations but I have not been able to do so.

Please forgive me for my jealousy and ranting but it's so painful leading a secret life, forsaking God by denying him while dishonoring my parents by cheating them. Do you know how it feels knowing that you are safe yourself but your parents aren't.

I seek refuge in the Lord but my parents don't. Now, I am terribly worried about their future.

One thing for sure, God is Good and one day their hearts will be soften and they will turn to the Lord to seek refuge.

I will end this with a lovely song.

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