Emptiness

16 more days till Judgment day.
37 more days till All Hell Break Lose as millions of 17 year old youths thrash the street with their raging hormones.

I, one of them chose to do the same by doing something rebellious to the school.
I'm going to dye my hair brown.
And the next day, I will go back to school to say Hi to all my teachers.
Eager to see the look on their faces.

Expected expressions from my teachers
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But that's not the point.
The main reason is, I felt a pain in my heart.
Not illness or diseases.
The pain is metaphorically real.

Did you not notice?
Whenever you walk around, can't you feel someone gazing from a distance corner.
So intense yet gentle.

It must had been superbly coincidental for us to bump into each other like 10 times in 2 hours?
I admit I went round just wanting to catch a glimpse of you.
When I see you, I forget everything else.

I've always played defense all this years of my life.
Playing defense, is a way of living.
Some play offense, some play defense.

Well defense is keeping a low profile.
From young, I kept hiding, watching from a crack on the wall hoping to remain invisible from your sight.

Well, kudos dear self, you succeeded in becoming nothing.
Your presence is not taken into account by many, including that person.

If dare not play offensively because i don't want to startle you.
I respect you and adore you.

But, it is of no use.
If only I know what you were thinking.
A saying goes, a penny for your thoughts?

My version,
The world if it pleases you, for your thoughts?

With this I say,
I will always cherish you from the bottom of my heart.
My dear, sweet, kind, lovely,loyal and undeniably caring companion.
My dear, C@r S3e Y0u.

Hope to take you out soon.

I'm too tired to express my demise of you bothering me 24/7.

SPM examination is not the ticket to everything in life, sure it can improve your career and etc. But try placing yourself into my shoes and you can feel how bad it hurts.

I have already tried avoiding by all means, I don't mind being ignored nor isolated.
I don't want that hope placed upon me.

Studying alone can't help you in the examination. Can't you see it through my eyes?
The pain, the annoyed and irritated soul?

Cause your actions and speech had made me believe that if i studied 24 hours a day you will claim that my 24 hours is equivalent to 24 minutes -_-

Lets go through a flash back.
I placed my pen down after 1-2 hours of add maths or Bio.
Then, you burst in and said you played computer for 1-2 hours now go study something ?
What else do you wan from me?
I tell you honestly I don't want to be a doctor because I gave up on Bio, you scolded me for telling the truth?

You wanted to play cold shoulder with me but you lose first and broke the silence first.

I hope it won't come to a situation where I would run away from home.

Just leave me alone, M.
I feel like moving out after SPM examination.

Just stop bugging me over SPM examination.
I already a teenager, who've wasted 17 years of his life doing everything you told me to.
I just want to live my life my way.

...

Isolation In A Dark Chamber; Ease My Pain.

"Put your back into it; stop whining.Your just plain lazy!"shouted M to me.

Feeling overly exhausted, I dropped everything and was left flabbergasted.

"What, you got a lousy C6 for three papers, Add Maths, Bio and History?" shouted M at me once more.

"But I gave everything that I had into the examination and managed to score at least 8As out of 11 subjects. Doesn't that matter to you?"I defended.

Why must you look at the negative side and criticize me from that particular angle?

If you, do not trust me then why do you even bother asking me then when you decided to investigate the truth since my words are mere crap to you?

I lied because I didn't want to spoil your mood for the day. It would be hard for you to actually get mad on that day.

I admit, lying is wrong but have you have paused to consider the stress that you placed on me?

"Go study Bio!" M told me just as I reached home after an exhausting day on Sunday.

I reached home about 08.00 and the first thing wasn't a 'HI' nor 'How Was Your Day?'
but it was 'Go Study Bio'.

Kudos! If I wasn't supposed to die young then you contributed to it then.
Look at my hair. Tell me, can't you see the number of white hairs on my head?

I wanted to study in my room but somehow you don't trust me to do so.

Enough is said and heard, if I were to hate studying, I know who to blame.

Now, it's about the day.
5th October,2009.

I was tired on the 4th, so I slept at 09.00pm
When i woke up at 02.00am, I realised that I received an sms, greeting me for the day.

It was a friend whom I have not contacted in months.
Then friends who I'm not close to even did the same.

But my closes and dearest person in my life could not just wished me within the 24 hours and he is D.

I gave D 24 hours to do so but nevertheless he failed.
So did E, E failed to do so although she remembered at first but forgotten.

Thanks I guess?
I would trade anything that I have just to hear both of them say those two words to me.

Well, now there's no way they can make it matter anymore.
Next year perhaps, if I'm still alive.
Who knows.

I hate this damned Life.
Boredom, Loneliness and Pressure

Though there is these friends of mine who never let me down and followed me where ever I go at any time.They are Misery and Sorrow.
Emo much?

I don't care.
Life is dissapointing enough
Signing off.

Chocolate !!!

Chocolate contains alkaloids such as theobromine and phenethylamine, which have physiological effects on the body. It has been linked to serotonin levels in the brain. Scientists claim that chocolate, eaten in moderation, can lower blood pressure.

Besides that,researchers have found that chocolate can make some people who are prone to depression less anxious and less irritable. Furthermore, a study of 3,000 people by the Black Dog Institute found 45 per cent of people with depression craved chocolate.

"Of those 45 per cent, 60 per cent found that the chocolate improved their mood when they were depressed," Joanne Crawford, study co-author said.

Researchers found that among the depressed, those who were anxious or worriers were more likely to benefit from the sweet treats.

They believe it is the endorphins and opoids in chocolate which make people feel more relaxed.

"The opoids are morphine-like and lower pain and that also flows through into mental wellbeing," Professor Gordon Parker from the Black Dog Institute said.

Swimming star John Konrads battled depression, often turning to chocolate when he felt low.

"I thought it was a pick-me-up, almost like a cup of coffee, but to hear that it's a soother makes sense to me with hindsight," he said.

While it is too early for doctors to start prescribing chocolate for depression, this study does prove that it has tangible benefits in fighting mood disorders.

"I think this will be reassuring to many people who will say this just merely confirms what I have found out over the years," Professor Parker said.

The only caveat is that even as an anti-depressant, when it comes to chocolate, moderation is the key.

Therefore, chocolate should only be taken in moderation but if your family bans chocolate for no apparent reason, direct them here to defend chocolate for the happiness it can and will bring to all of humanity.

Signing off,
Lol.

Everthing Atleast Once

Su Goi!!!!

Kawaai desu!!!!

These were the things that came up to my mind went this guy came up to our table and sat with us;he told us this. Watashiwa Soh Fook.

Ngo Dui lam jor tiu yao
yi kar yew jiok chou

Which meant, he killed someone and needed cash to travel to somewhere to lay low.
Well. He needed cash from us but he wasn't going to ask from us nor snatch it.

Try and guess how he wanted the money.
Yes, by now you should know.
He...
is...
a...
robber...

Bingo!!
I was robbed!
I meant the three of us were robbed.

Where you might ask?
Well, we were robbed at home ....
Duh...
Somewhere in public

It was at Mc Donald near Mydin at the 2nd floor.
The feeling was Su Goi!!

You think so too?
Just pulling your leg(s).

It was horrible.
We were baffled.
I wanted to fight him but ....
same story from almost everyone; What if he has AIDs? or He has a knife/weapon?

Fine, sat there helplessly as three teenagers got blackmailed.
He asked us how much we got?
I lied with RM2-3 while Vince and Jun Bin said RM10.

He took their money and left.
Note this, he said he will return the money.

Lol.When pigs fly perhaps.

We left that Mc Donald and went to a nearby Mc Donald.
Guess who we met again as the cashier there.
+_=

We

saw

...

a plain cashier standing there asking us for our order.
Lol. This is just a joke.

We sat there real scared in case we might bump into him again or in this case him bumping into us. We ate and decided to leave that place quickly to find Vivian because Vince needed to see her to get something back.

Thank God Soh Fook didn't follow us.
We kept making fun of his name. Lol.
Then, anytime some taxi or car pass by we kept joking about the driver being Soh Fook coming back to return our money.

Yeah, fat hopes.

I mean what is wrong with society nowadays.
By the way, you should read what our parents said to us.

Jun Bin's Dad: LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!!
-my reaction after hearing the reply was -_-0

Vince
-No comment

Finally, I saved the best for the last.
My Mum: You bunch of cowards! Can't even take down one man? Pathetic!

That was my version. Lol

The real one is this one.
"You should have screamed!"
"Noob kia!"
"Throw something at him!"
"Quickly run!"

-reply for no.1, He might pull a weapon out.
-reply for no.2, I would laugh myself to dead if she said that.
-reply for no.3, same like no.1
-reply for no.4, he had an accomplice waiting at the stairs or downstairs.

But if you were in our shoes, what would you have done?

Choice A
Surrender
-coward but smart-

Choice B
Fight Back
-brave but stupid-

Choice C
Scream
-coward and stupid-

Choice D
Run
-coward,smart but no loyalty to friends-

Choice E
Talk Some Sense Into Him
-stupidest move;he planned to rob you, do you think he has any moral value left?-

Choice F
Deny Having Money
-better than choice E but not good because your giving him the chance to search you-

Lol.I chose choice A and E.
Although I almost picked choice B.

We didn't really thought of choice D.
Lol.

So there you have it the story of how three teenagers got robbed blackmailed by one guy who may actually be blowing water.

Come to think of it, we were pathetic but smart.

Signing off.
Oh yeah, we even joked about this.
Picture this.
We meeting Soh Fook there in Mc Donald again.
And our response will be like this,"You again!!!"

If happens again
"Oh, How are you?"

Finnally
"Sit down,Let me buy you a drink."

Lol, right?

Well really signing off now.
AngelofSorrow

What would you do if he appears at your wedding?

I copied from my friend
Thanks.

Purpose of Life? I need To Know

Bored
Aimless
Pointless
Disorientated
Unsure

All these were/are words that pop-up into my mind.
Firstly, apologizing to Vin Tsen
"Dude, I ran out of credit as well."

Back to topic.
Purpose of Life.

Question 1
"Why am I here?"

Choice A
Your parents were the reason you are here.
-True right?

Choice B
To glorify God in which we are made in the image of him where we exist to honour him and follow his way and do things which are pleasant in his eyes.
-True also. But from a Christian's point of view.

Choice C
I don't know. Your There because your there. (La)!
-If your not sure then this should be your answer.

Choice D
Karma; your reincarnated.
-For other religions who believe in this.

Well my answer would be a combination of A,B and C.
But why am I here?
This question isn't solved yet.

I go to a good school; MBS Monkey Boys' School
I mean Mehthodist Boys' School.

I got things like clothes, handphone, accessories, and computer with a laptop.

Yet, I'm not that happy with my life.
Things just don't feel right.

I wanted to go to W.H.C. today.
But my mum stopped me from going out.

Finally told her that I wanted to meet David in Parkson.
She drove me there.

Car--->Parkson

Me---->Parkson

Me-------->Cab ; from Parkson

Cab------->WHC

Pathetic right?
Just want to go out only but I have to resort to this.
If your thinking that I'm pathetic; try being in my shoes?

And we will see who has the last laugh!

I came up with this on my way there.

Disorientated+Emo = Steven

Disorientated+Emo+Bored = Steven Boo

Disorientated+Emo+Bored+Misery = Steven Boo Chuwen

Steven Boo Chuwen = Me

Conclusion,
I = Disorientated+Emo+Bored+Misery

Simplify it,
I = Disorientated+Emo+Misery+Bored
Almost spelled D.U.M.B.
except for the 'E' Lol.

Claps x3
Followed by Standing Ovation.
And finally words of relieve,
"That Idiot (ME) realised he's Dumb or in this case Demb.

Yeah.
Continuing back the story.
I went there to see my friends.

But,
I reached there and sat beside her.
We chatted for like 1 hour ++.
It was awspiring. ps; refer 1st post about WHC to find out what's awspiring.

Then, I blundered.
-Blundered is a term where you describe the situation where you made an error in your interpretation or strategy. Commonly used in Chess games.

Lol.
Ps. I'm not a walking dictionary nor did I memorised a dictionary.
I made her teared her eyes.

At that point, if she were to cry, God knows what I will do.
She teared her eyes and I felt like crying to.
Seeing her so sad brings me back sad memories of the past.

By the way, it turned out better I think so I will end this story here.

Another thing that caught my mind is Regret.
The word Regret is a very powerful word which affects everyone's life.

Regret.
A feeling of grief over an action,speech or anything;whether the effect is onto self or others.

-_-0

Regret and emo come's in a pair.
Did you notice that?

Well, I did!!
It was in the past where my mum would scold me and stuff, or even give me the cold shoulder treatment where I would regret my actions or speech.

While regretting, I tend to be emo without realising it.
Conclusion; Emo accompanies regret.

But why am I such an emo person?
Well,

According to Psychological analysis.
A person becomes Emo because of biotic factors in his surrounding which includes childhood experiences, life style and values instilled in him.

According to Philosophers' quote,
A person becomes sad when he or she allows himself or herself to be that way.

But what if I am emo because it is me?
That I was borned EMO?
Lol.

Note the title of my blog.
Misery Follow's Me.

Won't it be cool?
You heard about the Angel of Death?

Well, I am the Angel of Grief.
"Su Goi!!!"

Lol

By the way, my problems accumulate because I let them.
I don't want to let go of the past.
Why?
I don't want to forget things that occurred in the past.

I have never opened up so frankly with anyone, not even my mother until today.
"Arigato."

for letting me lose some of my emo'ness.
By the way, my blog isn't that good.
You should read blogs from innit.nuffnang.com.my.
Those blogs there are cool.

But if you do read those blogs there,
Do visit mine to show your support?
Without friends, I am nothing but a trapped canary in a cage.

With all of you, I can spread my wings and fly away into freedom.
Fly!!!

Lol

Well, that's all for now.
Good luck to those taking SPM trial.
And May God Bless those who had their exams.

And to Evelyn, may God bless you on your Add Maths.
Seriously don't want to see you Emo about that.
Moreover, Emo is my thing and you can't have it.

Live Life With No Regrets.
AngelofGrief ;(