Bad Day

22/01/2010

It's the end of the first week of college for me.
I've been so occupied with work that I forgot what I wanted to blog about.

I don't need a new template!
Till I learn how to; since I forgot how to.


A student wanted to change our Physics teacher by sending in a petition form.

Now that brings back memory went we got punished for starting a boycott against a teacher back in secondary school.

It's didn't work and even in later years in MBS, we tried sending several petitions to change several teachers since they kinda suck.

I'm Not mentioning names here so don't quote from me anything.

Simply to say that all our attempts failed pathetically since it's a self-protecting-society-that-bullies-the-weak,stu***s democratic society.

But, not all are like that.I still respect some due to their righteousness and integrity and reject "admire" those with awesome "righteousness and integrity".

I'm still Not mentioning names here, you know who you are.
Don't quote anything from me.

By the way, I kept repeating the phrase above because many of my friends got quoted and were in trouble.

Anyway, resuming back to college MY life, I walked from Tesco to IOI mall which took me about 15 minutes.

Bought a pink shirt and went home straight.
While walking from Kinara; since the bus won't go further, the weather was fine and breezy that made me wanna walk for a while more raining heavily and I got drenched from top to toe.

Lucky, my phone remained dry and my books too.
But, I could have purposely accidentally dropped my files into a puddle and tell Ms. Goh all my homework was gone and requested for more time to complete them or maybe find an excuse to avoid completing them.

By the way, I kinda enjoyed myself in Wisma Harapan where I did Community Service with friends. I'm going to be there next Friday.
Heck, I'm might be going there tomorrow before heading to YMCA.

Still, I will decide on those later.
That's all for now
of
The Life and Time of An Empty Soul

I feel so empty that I made the Grand Canyon seem full.
Randomness.
Signing Off

Slipping Through Time

Like a grains of sand, time slips by me quickly.
Feeling emptiness in all things that I partake in.

My friend is leaving soon and probably won't meet her till half a decade later.

I'm not sure what to do, should I go say good bye later on today or should I just stay home and intoxicate myself with alcohol till I achieved numbness?

I promised myself that I would never walk that path which caused me my form 4 year end results and my future as well; ASEAN scholarship but I cannot fight it.

Life is too taxing this way, which resulted in alcohol intake to drown the misery away and feigning a jolly look to avoid people from noticing the sorrow in me.

I hate smiling often or for no reason but some how it is ethical to society.
Let me ask then what's there to smile if everyday is the same shade of Grey to me?

I feel cold, not literally but metaphorically, having a family whom you keep secrets from is supposed to be normal for teenagers. But, I'm not just keeping a secret or secrets but a alternate life they never knew.

It's pain you know.
Other people have/had their family to support them while my own family; not just don't support, but are against it.

I kept my fair share of problems from people but that doesn't mean I'm trouble free.
Mentioning Church to my mum is like 5 times worse than,"Mum, I Wrecked your car."
this phrase.

Darn it.
I feel numb.
Pointlessly wandering KL but never feeling satisfied.

Signing off.
I see that same cloud raining over me.

Ranting Spree

My Uncles' wedding just passed.
It was on a beautiful Sunday, 3rd January 2010.
I was not over-excited or filled with enthusiasm..

I wanted to rush off to meet a friend who's going soon.
I skipped everything during the ceremony.
:P

I'm going to start work next week on Monday.
Wish me luck; hopefully I will get a nice boss and not a cheap skate good for nothing selfish boss.

;P

Hoping for a Humanitarian boss who's against usage of adolescence work force; allowing me to chill the whole day.

:P

I am fantasizing these impossible things.

Went to school today; felt weird because I was wearing casual today and that my mum actually said,"Son, don't go to school today."

OMG!
It's the first time my mum say skip the first day of school.

Said Hi
to teachers and messed around in school awhile till i left for Mid Valley.

Watched a movie.

Try to regconise this phrase,
"Mam, I need you to trust me on my profession and remain calm as my release depends on it."

Yup, It's the famous detective from Baker Street.
Sherlock Holmes.

Awesomeness doubled and snowballed till the end.
Cliff Hanger.
Bloody director.

=.+

Well bye then

Confession

It's allover after 11 years of schooling.

SPM examination is gone for good.
But till now,I'm no good with good byes.

I hated good byes.
Soon, a good friend will be leaving to a distant place for further studies.
She is the first among our group to make such decision.

She changed a lot while I stay glued to the past.
Hate good byes, will not participate in photo taking sessions, and hated to bond with people.

Picture brings back nostalgic memories, good byes mean reminiscing about the past while bonding means risk of getting hurt or heart broken is there.

Trust is something to be earned and I hate losing it.
Every one treats me very well there.
WHC members are my friends, maybe family.
But, I'm not a good person. I have been living a life of hypocrisy. One day you all might realise that I'm a good-for-nothing-selfish-jerk-who-cares-about-nothing-but-himself kind of a person.

Then what?
I fear that might happen.
In school, I joke around and am free to be myself but at WHC i feel that I have to keep a good image; not wanting to let all of you down.

You all matter a lot to me that I will never prank you all.
But, at times I really want to make a funny remark but am afraid of being judged because I feel that you all might think of it as being inappropriate.

I really don't want that friend to go away.
But, who am I to stop that friend's decision.

I'm just some punk.
maybe even worse.



Good bye, Bon Voyage.

Sadness shades me from reality.
T_T

Emptiness

16 more days till Judgment day.
37 more days till All Hell Break Lose as millions of 17 year old youths thrash the street with their raging hormones.

I, one of them chose to do the same by doing something rebellious to the school.
I'm going to dye my hair brown.
And the next day, I will go back to school to say Hi to all my teachers.
Eager to see the look on their faces.

Expected expressions from my teachers
/>

But that's not the point.
The main reason is, I felt a pain in my heart.
Not illness or diseases.
The pain is metaphorically real.

Did you not notice?
Whenever you walk around, can't you feel someone gazing from a distance corner.
So intense yet gentle.

It must had been superbly coincidental for us to bump into each other like 10 times in 2 hours?
I admit I went round just wanting to catch a glimpse of you.
When I see you, I forget everything else.

I've always played defense all this years of my life.
Playing defense, is a way of living.
Some play offense, some play defense.

Well defense is keeping a low profile.
From young, I kept hiding, watching from a crack on the wall hoping to remain invisible from your sight.

Well, kudos dear self, you succeeded in becoming nothing.
Your presence is not taken into account by many, including that person.

If dare not play offensively because i don't want to startle you.
I respect you and adore you.

But, it is of no use.
If only I know what you were thinking.
A saying goes, a penny for your thoughts?

My version,
The world if it pleases you, for your thoughts?

With this I say,
I will always cherish you from the bottom of my heart.
My dear, sweet, kind, lovely,loyal and undeniably caring companion.
My dear, C@r S3e Y0u.

Hope to take you out soon.

I'm too tired to express my demise of you bothering me 24/7.

SPM examination is not the ticket to everything in life, sure it can improve your career and etc. But try placing yourself into my shoes and you can feel how bad it hurts.

I have already tried avoiding by all means, I don't mind being ignored nor isolated.
I don't want that hope placed upon me.

Studying alone can't help you in the examination. Can't you see it through my eyes?
The pain, the annoyed and irritated soul?

Cause your actions and speech had made me believe that if i studied 24 hours a day you will claim that my 24 hours is equivalent to 24 minutes -_-

Lets go through a flash back.
I placed my pen down after 1-2 hours of add maths or Bio.
Then, you burst in and said you played computer for 1-2 hours now go study something ?
What else do you wan from me?
I tell you honestly I don't want to be a doctor because I gave up on Bio, you scolded me for telling the truth?

You wanted to play cold shoulder with me but you lose first and broke the silence first.

I hope it won't come to a situation where I would run away from home.

Just leave me alone, M.
I feel like moving out after SPM examination.

Just stop bugging me over SPM examination.
I already a teenager, who've wasted 17 years of his life doing everything you told me to.
I just want to live my life my way.

...

Isolation In A Dark Chamber; Ease My Pain.

"Put your back into it; stop whining.Your just plain lazy!"shouted M to me.

Feeling overly exhausted, I dropped everything and was left flabbergasted.

"What, you got a lousy C6 for three papers, Add Maths, Bio and History?" shouted M at me once more.

"But I gave everything that I had into the examination and managed to score at least 8As out of 11 subjects. Doesn't that matter to you?"I defended.

Why must you look at the negative side and criticize me from that particular angle?

If you, do not trust me then why do you even bother asking me then when you decided to investigate the truth since my words are mere crap to you?

I lied because I didn't want to spoil your mood for the day. It would be hard for you to actually get mad on that day.

I admit, lying is wrong but have you have paused to consider the stress that you placed on me?

"Go study Bio!" M told me just as I reached home after an exhausting day on Sunday.

I reached home about 08.00 and the first thing wasn't a 'HI' nor 'How Was Your Day?'
but it was 'Go Study Bio'.

Kudos! If I wasn't supposed to die young then you contributed to it then.
Look at my hair. Tell me, can't you see the number of white hairs on my head?

I wanted to study in my room but somehow you don't trust me to do so.

Enough is said and heard, if I were to hate studying, I know who to blame.

Now, it's about the day.
5th October,2009.

I was tired on the 4th, so I slept at 09.00pm
When i woke up at 02.00am, I realised that I received an sms, greeting me for the day.

It was a friend whom I have not contacted in months.
Then friends who I'm not close to even did the same.

But my closes and dearest person in my life could not just wished me within the 24 hours and he is D.

I gave D 24 hours to do so but nevertheless he failed.
So did E, E failed to do so although she remembered at first but forgotten.

Thanks I guess?
I would trade anything that I have just to hear both of them say those two words to me.

Well, now there's no way they can make it matter anymore.
Next year perhaps, if I'm still alive.
Who knows.

I hate this damned Life.
Boredom, Loneliness and Pressure

Though there is these friends of mine who never let me down and followed me where ever I go at any time.They are Misery and Sorrow.
Emo much?

I don't care.
Life is dissapointing enough
Signing off.